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The Tingting Mandate

February 7th, 2007 by epoyz

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You’re barely waking
And I’m tangled up in you

I’m open, you’re closed
Where I follow, you’ll go
I worry I won’t see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I’m quiet you know
You make a first impression
I’ve found I’m scared to know I’m always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Don’t stop here
I’ve lost my place
I’m close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide.

-" Collide", Howie Day from Stop All The World Now

Collide!! yan ang mangyayari sa Ginebra at San Miguel sa finals!!

ang corny nun, a. pero excited na ko.

personally, i’d rather have The Red Bull-Bulls as Ginebra’s opponents in the finals. i’m still smarting from when they made tsamba and got away with an offensive foul non-call on enrico villanueva, the one where he floored rodney santos and enabled celino cruz to shoot a wide-open three in game 7 of last year’s semifinals. that was when ginebra had chris porter as their import (30 game 6 rebounds!!!) and 1 minute and change away from completing another historic climb from a 1-3 deficit.

well, with the Red Bull-Bulls missing all those free throws, in a game 7 nonetheless, after all their tough talk and yeng guiao’s barbs and theatrics, they deserved to bow down to the beermen. san miguel displayed prolific basketball, The Red Bull-Bulls wilted under the pressure. the prospect of winning this game 7 and having to face Ginebra’s wrath in the finals as their reward proved too much for them to handle. 20 missed free throws in a game 7? mga kabadings.

kudos to san miguel, themselves discovering redemption from when junthy "diego" valenzuela converted on a buzzer beater last year to take a 1-point win in game 7 of their semifinal duel. with this win, they finally banished the spectre of that painful loss, specially when they saw pampanga vice governor yeng guiao yelling at SMB’s fans at the cuneta astrodome : "ano? mga put*%#@inanyo!! whoo!!" when diego made the shot.

we shall enjoy beating the beermen in this finals series, pero sayang, it won’t be as satisfying as trashing The Red Bull-Bulls in a championship confrontation, parang nung ginawa nila nung andun pa si torion. being denied of that prospect, i’m sort of miffed. piro oki lang.

sana makalaro na si papa menk. nakikipag-rambol pa kasi e, ayan, nahampas tuloy ng tubo sa binti. tsk. ipinadukot na kaya nina tony boy yung pumalo dun? i’m guessing the one who took out menk for the series has some pretty serious juice himself, knowing who he’s trying to take out. o di kaya naman he was so hammered and galactically-stupid to a) try and engage fafa eric in a fight (i swear, sinlaki ng braso ni menk ang binti at hita ko…) and b) be oblivious of a guaranteed payback from the san miguel corporation for damaging their materiales fuertes in time for a crucial semifinal showdown. ano nga kaya ang totoong nangyari dun? hmmmm….

kasi naman, with all this pent-up anger and all of this "pataasan ng ihi" among your fellowmen, di talaga malayo na mapunta sa violent confrontation ang lahat ng nangyayari sa pinas. at least our politicians aren’t beating each other up in the senate and congress, unlike those folks in taiwan, nagbabatuhan pa ng sapatos bukod sa nagsasampalan, nagsasabunutan at nagchuchuntukan. dito sa pilipinas, nagraratratan lang sila sa labas…

pero yung everyday living ng ordinary folk? seems like we’re just plodding on in the midst of all the bullshit that’s going on around us. each and every one of us are either just trying to make a living, trying to get the kids through school, trying to save a relationship, trying to get in a relationship, trying to make ends meet…trying, trying, trying, tapos andami pang bwisit sa paligid mo. the prospect of another dirty elections, the government’s underhanded tactics to avoid relinquishing control to the people, mga magnanakaw na politicians na ninanakawan pa yung mga pinakamahihirap na mga mamamayan natin, mga kupal na driver, mangongotong na pulis na di nanghuhuli ng mga kupal na driver, namemera pa sa mga private vehicle owners, mga mandurugas sa mrt, mga kupal na kapwa-pilipino, mga tiwaling empleyado ng gobyerno, mga mapanamantalang driver ng taxi, mga maliliit na burger sa fastfood pag gutom na gutom ka na pepekein ka pa ng picture…

if you’re an ordinary citizen and you want peace, you’re bound to never get it, sobrang dami ng koalisyon ng mga kupal sa paligid mo. top this on your everyday problems and you’ll feel you’re going to explode like peter petrelli trying to hold all of this bullshit down. sooner or later, i’m telling you, somebody’s gonna get a gun and go apeshit on everybody. i once drove by a traffic altercation that led to a jeepney driver going for his metal tube and the two men he’s arguing with going back to their vehicle to get a small hatchet each. i don’t know how that went down, i was just passing through but damn, that could have ended ugly. so much hate, so much anger, ika nga ni Yoda.

thus, the conception of The Tingting Mandate.

i think each and every one of us should be allowed the option to carry around a 3-ft-long Tingting, and be free to strike anyone who draws our ire: yung makulit na ale sa bus na naniniksik pa e ang laki laki na ng balakang sa kakakain ng Gonads Donatch (Gonuts Donuts, ahem..), the fellow who cuts in line at the fx terminal, the bitch at the mcdo counter, and yes, the road usurper, yung kupal sa kalye na gumagawa ng sarili nyang pila tapos makikisiksik sa bottleneck o intersection.

no, no one is going to be allowed to use anything other than their Tingting to strike, no fists, no throwing of slippers, no spitting and eye-gouging, no physical contact whatsoever. only their regulation-approved Tingting (the end shouldn’t be hard enough for it to be used as a poking device) can make contact with the other party, on any part of the body except the face. no touching of the other one’s Tingting, and no attempt to break it shall be made. and yes, to make it simple, pwede rin mag-gang war pero tingting lang ang gamit. siyempre kung mag-isa ka lang naman you won’t dare try to engage a larger group, di ba? The Tingting Mandate enables you an option to challenge anyone who offends you to a duel. you will be able to unleash your pent-up rage at any time without the risk of seriously hurting somebody or worse, going to jail for homicide. pag nabubwisit ka, mang-atake ka ng Tingting mo, puta, ewan ko lang kung di maubos ang galit mo sa pagod sa kakahataw.

tingin nyo, kung in effect na ang Tingting Mandate e napatay kaya ni Leviste yung aide niya? di hindi sana siya nakakulong ngayon, puro latay lang yung alalay niya..

of course, lahat naman ng batas ang hirap ipatupad dito sa Pilipinas e. who would ensure that all the principles of The Tingting Mandate are enforced at all times? tayo-tayo din. when someone goes overboard with it and starts using fists or starts kicking, i bet we’d be more compelled to butt in kasi nga, meron nang Tingting Mandate e, meron nang susundan na guidelines. kasi, imagine, nasa pila ka ng fx. may babaeng nangunguna agad tumabi sa driver komo kasama siya sa sampu sa bilang, e ikaw naman ang no. 1 dun sa sampu. manggagamit pa ng kasamang bata yan, kung minsan, patatakbuhin agad yung batang kasama nila para makapamili ng magandang upuan. kung lalaki ka di mo naman pwede patulan at shempre, kung for example e matandang walang pinagkatandaan ang kumukupal sa yo, aside from fisticuffs, you don’t have any other option but let the offender have their way.

but with the Tingting Mandate, walang lalaki, walang babae, walang bata, walang matanda. oo, mas malakas siguro humampas ng tingting yung malalaking tao, pero at least, kung tingting lang ang tatama sa yo, at hindi kamao ng ga-bakulaw na maton, di ba mas tatapang ka mang-away ng mas malaki sa yo? at kung bulinggit naman ang kaaway mo, ok lang din hambalusin mo ng tingting, di ka nangbu-bully.

ongapala, allowed din siguro magmura at magsisigaw habang nanghahampas ng tingting. mas madali makapagod pag nagsisisigaw ka, e, so mauubos agad ang turbo mo pag hampas ka nang hampas tapos mura ka pa ng mura, mas madali matatapos ang away. saka wala namang bearing kung magaling magmura yung kaduwelo mo, kasi ika nga, "sticks and stones can hurt my bones (in this case Tingting can hurt my skin…) but words..". hmph. wag na nga.

it’s a stupid idea, but it can be brilliant if executed well, no?

———-

She wanted to be a cowboy
She was shootin’ ‘em down
She was tramping around.
He walked in crooked with the clear blue eyes.
"There’s a nice pool at my motel you want to go for a swim?"
That night he moved in.

The time between meeting and finally leaving is
Sometimes called falling in love.
The time between meeting and finally leaving is
Sometimes called falling in love.

At night she’d wait for the sound of his feet on the doormat,
The sound of his hand on the doorknob,
The sound of her heart beating in her head.
He’d go out playing nickel slots, cause he knew he’d lose -
She didn’t know, so she couldn’t choose.
One night while sleeping along in her bed,
The phone rang, she woke up, and sat up and said,
"What time is it? What time is it?"
"Well, it’s 5:30 here and it’s 2:30 there,
And I won’t be home tonight," he said.

The time between meeting and finally leaving is
Sometimes called falling in love.
The time between meeting and finally leaving is
Sometimes called falling in love.

Now she sits in a booth in a diner,
Waiting for someone to take her order,
Waiting for someone to come and sit down.
She rubs the smudge off the photograph, puts it back into her purse.
The grey sky was romatic cause he was holding her hand,
He was her man.

The time between meeting and finally leaving is
Sometimes called falling in love.
The time between meeting and finally leaving is
Sometimes calling falling in love.
Sometimes called falling in love.

She wanted to be a cowboy,
She was shootin’ ‘em down,
She was tramping around.

-"Falling In Love", Lisa Loeb from Firecracker

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“9″ And “O”

January 15th, 2007 by epoyz

been quite a while now, so let’s do this.

i’ve given "9", damien rice’s new album, a few months to "breathe" and a chance to grow on me before i dared compare it to his first album "O". after all, "O" has been on constant rotation in most of my playlists for over two years now, and most of the tracks are still there because i’ve grown to like it too much.it’s right up there with Pearl Jam’s "Ten", U2’s "Achtung Baby", Counting Crows’ "August and Everything After", PM Dawn’s "The Bliss Album", albums na ika nga e "walang tapon"… well, you know what i mean.

so, popping "9" into the cd player, the very first song grabs you by the throat, chokes you till you cry, makes your arm hairs stand on end and dares you to bear the pain of hearing the song end in 3 minutes and 39 seconds. "9 Crimes" is very beautiful in its simplicity, the most basic of words in the simplest of melodies with its four chords playing over and over, vivienne long’s cello and tomo’s percussion bringing damien and lisa’s voices home to crush your heart to a snotty pulp. it also didn’t help that the song premiered in grey’s anatomy, making it more potent.

with that being said, it was extremely tragic for me to learn that the next 9 songs in the album underwhelmed me more than anything ever did in my 31 years here on earth (shet, ang OA..)..

"The Animals Were Gone" was excusable as it was pretty acceptable in its charming Don McLean-esque way, being the follow-up to such a strong first song. "Elephant", however, instilled doubts in me. i had quite a grasp of what he was trying to sing about, but damn, it was hard indeed to live up to that first song. yes, i’m still on the first song, and the album is slipping down fast because the spell is already breaking.

"Rootless Tree", for me one of the most beautiful breakup songs ever, helped save "9" and kept hold of the magic. you should check out the Live On KCRW version, where he did it on piano minus all the swearing.very very moving. after "Rootless Tree", "Dogs" managed to limp the whole album to the finish line for it to be good enough. "Coconut Skins", another Don McLean-sounding song, was pretty good, but only because Lisa Hannigan was more active on it. after that, "Grey Room" was the best sounding of all the remaining tracks. pwede na, pwede, but not damn near good enough.

now, comparing "9" to "0", i guess the best way to accurately describe how the 2nd album fares against the 1st child, is to allow me to apply an oft-used, all-encompassing technical term employed to pass judgment on almost any other "next-best-thing" through the ages:

panis.

panis ngang talaga ang "9" compared to "O". anyways, wag nyo ako masyado intindihin. the only reason why i was so disappointed with "9" is because there was so much less of Lisa Hannigan in this one. after her gripping half in "9 Crimes", Lisa faded away and got reduced to staying in the background. Damien messed up this album, i say, by limiting Lisa’s exposure. the very first time i heard her voice (she rocked my world in "Volcano" and reduced me to a babbling, smitten fool in "I Remember"), she has captivated me ever since. knowing that i’d definitely get in trouble for saying that, i said it anyway because she is that good, man. ganito lang yan: si damien rice, pag kumakanta, para kang nakikinig in stereo sound. pag bumanat na si lisa ng backing vocals at sinabayan si damien, nagiging 5.1 channels yung pinapakinggan mo. word.

pero yun. when i gave "O" my ear, the songs have been haunting me ever since. i mean, come on, just listen to "Delicate" (ginamit din sa House yun, lufet..), and you’re on way to being a fan. "Volcano"? it’s over. now you’re sucked in. siyempre, "The Blower’s Daughter", which was the theme in Closer, was what kickstarted Damien’s foray into the mainstream, tapos sinundan pa ng "Cannonball". speaking of which, i turned on the radio earlier this evening and this dude on 88.3 aired his "acoustic version" of Cannonball… i almost crashed the car on purpose just to end the pain, man. di ko na rin inalam kung sino siya, baka kuyugin, e, kawawa naman..

balik tayo sa "O".. even "Older Chests" and "Amie" will carry you easily to breeze through the whole album, right smack into "Cheers Darlin’" (may kilala ako na pareho sila ng istorya, in love din sa bespren..).

the song "Cold Water" made me break down once. a while back i learned of the untimely death of someone i knew and worked with, and it really came as a shock. i was already driving to work before i turned on the player and there it was, "Cold Water" playing in the car as if it was a prayer. man, i had to slow down on the expressway and gather myself. it was that powerful, holmes.

ok, ok… the album’s onslaught virtually ends with "I Remember". nothing i can write here can do it justice, so you’re better off listening to it instead of finding out what i have to say. "Eskimo" and the two hidden tracks give the album a "tapering off" feel, releasing its death grip but still having you chilling out to go and finish the album right until the credits start rolling. and of course, leave it to Lisa Hannigan to re-hash Silent Night and make it come back out as a completely different soul-baring song. "I should be stronger than weeping alone. You should be weaker than sending me home…". what the f-? ha-nep.

so, if you’re not down with Damien Rice yet, you better come get some. also look for their "Live Unreleased" set (I heard 9 Crimes here first, pero si Damien pa lang bumabanat nun kaya di pa maganda. ganda din ng mga cover ni Lisa ng Astrud Gilberto songs dito..), the "B-Sides" album, they have a "BBC Sessions" joint, and you can also check out a number of live performances on YouTube. Lisa also did a mean number of Nina Simone’s "Be My Husband" when Damien broke a string during a radio show and was forced to tap on his guitar instead to finish the show off. they also have their version of Kristin Hersh’s "Your Ghost" and The White Stripes’ "Seven Nation Army". also look for "Unplayed Piano" and "Don’t Explain" from Herbie Hancock’s compilation album.

would’ve been rad if they were paying me for this shit.

———

We might kiss when we are alone
When nobody’s watching
We might take it home.
We might make out when nobody’s there
It’s not that we’re scared
It’s just that it’s delicate.

So why do you fill my sorrows
With the words you’ve borrowed
From the only place you’ve known?
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you?
Why do you sing with me at all?

We might live like never before
When there’s nothing to give
Well how can we ask for more?
We might make love in some sacred place
The look on your face is delicate.

So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you’ve borrowed
From the only place that you’ve known?
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you?
Why do you sing with me at all?

- "Delicate", Damien Rice from "O"

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Burning Down The House

December 7th, 2006 by epoyz

well obviously, the fucking system has broken down. a loooong time ago, in fact, nakakatawa na nga lang ang bango ng pagka-obvious paggising ko kaninang umaga.

i heard the news today, oh boy..ang mga put*ngin*ng house of representatives majority, dumale na naman. pero nakita ko na naman yan nung wednesday ng madaling araw, nadaanan ko sandali yang "debate" nila tungkol sa con-ass. right there i already knew where this was headed, silly me, i don’t know why i’m still feigning surprise and outrage at an outcome that i already knew was coming.

but still.. ang kakapal na talaga, di ba? kainich.

frankly, i thought that when the supreme court junks something, that’s the end of it. yun e sa pagkakaintindi ko lang naman, ha? kaya nga nagkatiwala ako sa supreme court based on their decisions ruling against CPR and PP 1017 and the Cha-Cha train (more on this later). apparently, kung di talaga madadala sa magandang usapan, pupuwersahing dalhin sa pilitan hanggang sa dumugo (hwow, talagang pinilit yun, a…).

well, if there are indeed changes that desperately need to be made, sobrang tama itong si Neal Cruz: ibasura na yang kongreso. nyetta.

what the fuckers in congress exhibited is a brazen display of reminding us, sort of putting us in place, that we can’t do anything about something once they’ve set their sights on it. remember how they "killed the cadaver" that was the impeachment bid?

they have the power because they have the numbers, everything else is just futile theatrics. fuck everybody else that’s on their way. they’re going to find something to get around anything, you must be out of your mind to believe otherwise. given, they’re obviously desperate, yes, but they’re bringing out the big guns now, all the while showing us that we don’t have shit. without a leg to stand on in anything that they’ve passed on so far, sila pa din ang nananalo ultimately if you think about it hard enough. ang lugar natin sa lahat ng yan e, magkukumayaw at mag-umangal, show our utmost distaste at the whole thing as if they’ve just thrown feces at our faces and some of it found their way to our mouths (eww, but true). we’ll shout our most vehement protests to high heavens, bellow that this shit (we’re tasting) has to stop, write about it, talk about it in forums and debates, stir the public into revolt and decide that we’ll give the fucking administration something to cry about.

then do absolutely nothing. or, more accurately, achieve absolutely nothing.

now, about the supreme court… ok, ok, so tingin natin, although trampled by numbers in the congress, this shit definitely won’t fly because the senate already united in denouncing this con-ass (how so appropriately termed, by the way..) bago pa man na-resolve kaninang madaling araw. siyempre kontra senate jan, etsa-pwera sila eh. but still, great move, guys. kinda like when i was watching the "debate" on wednesday, iniisip ko na nga na mananalo na naman ang majority, so i had scenarios already playing in my head. i was able to go to sleep kasi, kahit ano mangyari, anjan pa naman ang supreme court.

then naalimpungatan ako. oongapala, tapos na ang term ni Justice Panganiban. crap.

kakatawa ko nung nagpupumilit kumandidatong chief justice si miriam santiago a.k.a. brenda, nakalimutan ko na kahapon na pala yun. shet.

kasi, based on what i’ve seen the past few months, i learned to trust the supreme court, albeit cautiously, because of Panganiban and company’s record so far. so, i was looking at the Supreme Court as truly "the court of last resort". (ow, haaaaaaaa?)

e ayan, nagpalit na nga ng chief justice. patay tayo jan.

so what do we make of new chief reynato puno? you tell me. ang ganang akin, isang mali lang niyan, sa mga panahong itich, tapos tayo.

so now, if all else fails, and should the Supreme Court finally betray democracy and the filipino people, what are our alternatives?

foreign intervention of some kind? pero malabo din yun, di ba?

so it comes down to revolution. na naman. hinihintay nga sana natin yung 2007 elections to make the change e (although pini-predict ko din na kung magkaroon man ng elections sa may, it will chase records in being the bloodiest elections ever..), pero kung matutuloy ang con-ass, walang elections. so yun na, magkakagulo na mga tao nyan. rebolusyon!!

kaso mo, if there’s going to be a revolution, we’re gonna have to face, nay, accept this possibility (english accent): it’s going to be bloody uh, err– bloody.

sadly (and please answer this truthfully, now..), knowing what you know, and seeing what you’ve seen the past few years, is getting killed in a revolution really worth it? for this country?

yun ngang mga journalist na naglalapgpakan na parang langaw na inispreyan ng baygon e, di natin ginugunita nang tama yung ultimate sacrifice nila, wala tayong pakialam, e paano ka gaganahan magpakabayani pag niratrat na nila ng bala ang edsa? OA ako, kanyo, di aabot sa ganun pag naglabasan tayo sa kalsada? talaga?

kasi, if you study it carefully, you know these fuckers will not relinquish power that easily. si guingona nga na ang tanda-tanda na, sinampolan nila ng water cannon, e, pampagana pa lang yun. alam kasi nila, being students of history, kung saan nagkamali si marcos nung ‘86: he got soft for a moment and that moment of weakness pounced on him. so ngayon, ika nga ng cypress hill, when the shit goes down, you better be ready. di simple mag-isip yang mga nasa pwesto, no? hanggang plan C meron yang mga yan. dapat ready ka din sa lahat ng possibilities.

so, knowing the peril, will you go?

nung panahon ni ninoy, siguro pa, kaya nga tumayo sa harap ng tangke yung mga tao sa edsa, e. idealistic pa mga pinoy nun.

nung panahon ni rizal, ni goyo del pilar, sige. giving up your life so that your country can be free of foreign occupancy, yan, ok yan. call ako jan.

pero ngayon, na kapwa pilipino mo ang kalaban mo, na pagtingin mo sa katabi mo e di ka sigurado na pare-pareho ang adhikain nyo–mabubuo pa ba loob mo magpakamatay kung sakaling dadating sa point na yun? o pag nakita mo yung mga pulis mambabato ka sabay tatakbo ka rin gaya nung feb. 24, 2006?

kaya nga: what will inspire a filipino to put his life on the line so that this country may be free again? specially when the poor already gets it: sila lang ang andun, kasi sila lang ang desperado na makaahon sa kinalulugmukan nila. at least nung people power ‘86, may nakita kang mga prominenteng tao SA KALSADA, hindi counted yung nasa stage lang, ha (richard gomez and company, whattup?).

di naman talaga united ang mga pinoy e. may mga mayayaman, who stand to benefit from all of this, who, win or lose (barring a cataclysmic event that will strip them of their riches and power), will still be rich. then there’s the rest of us who, win or lose, will go back to the reality that life in the Philippines is so damn hard. and then there’s the poorest of the poor who, win or lose, will still get overlooked and regarded as byproducts of a system you’re trying desperately to prop up.

sa panahon natin ngayon, na warak na ang prinsipyo ng pagkakapatiran ng mga pilipino, kahit si jim paredes ang tanungin mo, sasabihin niya sa ‘yo: puta, mamumundok na lang ako (or magma-migrate in his case..). i won’t die for you fools, i have kids to feed. and i don’t feel any resentment towards him and everybody who feels the same way. hell, i’m contemplating on pulling the same move myself. i haven’t given up on the filipino yet, pero sobrang dismayado na ko. puta, sa kalsada nga lang nagkukupalan na tayong lahat, e.

so, i guess it’s up to the people on top to stir the hearts of their countrymen. pag nakita mo na si kris aquino na nagpapakamatay para sa kalayaan ng bansang pilipinas, aba’y baka mag-alsa din ang mga fans niya. o kaya si willie revillame, magbilad sa edsa, aba’y wowowee, we may have a ballgame, boys. sina henry sy, sila danding, sina gokongwei at lopez…putsa kahit si manny pacquiao (tumiwalag ka na kay gloria, meng, bad career move yan..)— maki-martsa kayo kasama ng mga maliliit na tao kung dadating man ang rebolusyon, baka mapukaw pa ang diwa ng pagkakaisa sa ating lahat.

but then again, i’m the king of wishful thinking.

o, anong masasabi mo, mr. justice secretary?

exactly.

————

I’ll never know
I’ll never care
I’ll never bug you my people
I’ll tell you what I say
I’ll never lie
I’ll never try
I’ll never cry for you people
I’ll push you
Push you away

As you lonely people
Keep on runnin’ ’round my door
Yes, you lonely people
Keep on begging
Beg for more

And I’ll cry for you
Yes I’ll die for you
Pain in my heart it is real
And I’ll tell you now how I feel inside
Feel in my heart it’s for you

It’s for you
Only you
It’s for you

I’ll never try
I’ll never die
I’ll never push for you people
I’ll tell you how I feel
I’ll never lie
I’ll never cry
I’ll never try for you people
I’ll tell you, yes it’s real
And you lonely people
Keep on passing time away
Yes you lonely people keep on passing,
Pass away

And I’ll cry for you
Yes, I’ll die for you
Pain in my heart it is real
And I’ll tell you now how I feel inside
Feel in my heart it’s for you
And I’ll take everything
As it comes my way
Pushin’ your pain ’round my door
And i’ll die for you, yes I’ll die for you
Is this blood on my hands all for you?

You shiver
And shudder
Recovers your mother
You feel it take control
All alone
Feel alive
In your soul

Come around town
Steal another dime
Take another line
Won’t you feel it
Blanket your soul
Out of mind

Come around town
Steal another dime
Do another crime
Won’t you get it higher and higher
Roll through time

Come around town
Steal another dime
Don’t you push your drugs in my face
Yes, I’m feeling
Feeling fine
Don’t you push your drugs in my face
Or I’m gonna put you in your place
Fuck you
I don’t want it no more
And it’s mine
Said this pain in my heart is all mine
Yes, it’s mine all alone

I don’t want it no more
I don’t want it no more
I don’t want it no more
I don’t want it no more

And it’s mine on my own
Yes, it’s mine all alone
As I cry for you
Yes, I’ll die for you
Pain in my heart, it is real
And I’ll take
Everything as it comes my way
Feel in my heart it’s for you
And I’ll lie for you as I die for you
Pain in my heart it is real
And I’ll tell you now
How I feel inside

Fuck you
It’s for you.

-"You", Candlebox from Candlebox

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Holding Out For Heroes

December 6th, 2006 by epoyz

if you’re not down with nbc’s Heroes yet, let me tell you: you’re really missing something.

at first it would seem like a cheap x-men knockoff, but i find this series more compelling and more in the vicinity of being remotely believable than x-men (tama ba yun?). plus, this i get to follow from the very start, i get to see how everything evolves before everything gets muddled up. but, having seen how the series has been superbly written and directed so far, i’m confident it’s going to really rock for a long time. with a team of great comic book writers/ comic buffs in the fold, i’m sure they can keep this series pretty interesting for a while.

yeah, i know, this human evolution thing, you’d probably say it’s kidstuff, right? hey, it’s a TV series, they can go at it a bit realistically while going completely crazy and we can choose to gobble it up or turn the channel, so.. but for the record, let me just say that i’m not closing my mind to the possibilities, ok? heck, in ripley’s they showed a dude who can chew and eat plates and steel and stuff, he must be something special then. they’ve been suspending people only by their skins, thay have monks pulling trucks with ropes tied to their dicks and shit.. so, yes.. count me in among the believers that humans have it in them to evolve into something out of the ordinary. the power of the human body, combined with the human brain’s potential, i believe, can make The Matrix-like stunts pull-able.

besides, wasn’t it just less than two decades ago that when a friend told you that they’re playing music now through digitally embedded data on a plastic disc, you went "no way" and he said "way!"? fifteen years ago your idea of a 40-gigabyte hard disk is a universe of space that will take you years to fill up with data, because you just upgraded your 700mb hard drive to 2 gigabytes of real estate. heck, go back ten years and upon hearing someone say that you can now play computer games with somebody from the other side of the world in real-time, did it not completely blow your mind? five years ago, if somebody told you that you can have your entire cd collection that you scraped your hard-earned money for to collect over the last 20 years, fit into a bubblegum-stick sized music player to take with you wherever you go, you would have exclaimed "are you out of your damn mind?!", right?

now imagine those folks back in the day who first heard about some crazy man claiming to be able to talk to someone far away through an instrument. well, now you have a camera-phone that can record two people having sex and have that clip distributed thru the net faster than you can say sex-starved-pervert.

so, this human evolution stuff, with the help of the blistering pace of technological advancement, may not be so farfetched after all. tomorrow we may wake up to the news reporting about a "crazy" scientist who claim to have discovered a way to awaken dormant strands in our DNA that can give ordinary people extra-ordinary abilities, like being able to crap little pebbles the way goats do.. or some other amazing or at least practical abilities and stuff, but you know what i mean.

ok, on to other things.

just learned that TIME is honoring efren "bata" reyes, along with other filipinos, for their 60 Years Of Asian Heroes issue. you can find the article here. cdq has his take on all of this in here, and i am wholeheartedly in agreement with what he wrote about "bata" in the article. he deserves every bit of this honor that was given to him, and his meek protestations that he doesn’t deserve any of it only cements our conviction that yeah, he definitely deserves this.

not knocking down manny pacquiao or anything, but hey, i’ve never seen anybody root for any of bata’s foreign counterparts just for the sake of seeing him lose, but i know a lot of guys who were hoping pacquiao would lose in his last fight because they weren’t too happy with a lot of his career choices. and, ang ganang akin lang, i’ve never seen bata let himself be used by politicians who specialize in basking in reflected glory. obviously, not so much in manny pacquiao’s case. so is this the reason why despite winning the richest prize in pool history last september, walang en grandeng welcoming party para kay bata nung umuwi siya?

anyways, congratulations, sir efren. don’t believe even for a second that you don’t deserve this. you are one of my heroes.

and manny? you better shape up, dude. you have at most ten years before your body fails you, so you better start making the right choices so you’d have a good retirement plan. those blind items where they have you sleeping with a lot of different showbiz bitches? that shit has got to stop, man. you think bata ever did any of that stuff?

at least in billiards bata can keep doing his shit till he’s 70. you better believe it, i’ve seen 80 year-old hustlers in the pool hall back in my high school days, pinapartidahan pa nun yung mga kapustahan nila, libre na yung 15-ball o kaya walang plangketa.

bawat pasok ng bola nangta-trash talk pa yun, sumisigaw ng "jo-leyns!!".

o ha?

———-

Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I do
It’s the wrong kind of place
To be thinking of you
It’s the wrong time
For somebody new
It’s a small crime
And I got no excuse

Is that alright with you?
Give my gun away when it’s loaded
Is that alright with you?
If you don’t shoot it how am I supposed to hold it
Is that alright with you?
Give my gun away when it’s loaded
Is that alright
With you?

Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I do
It’s the wrong kind of place
To be cheating on you
It’s the wrong time
She’s pulling me through
It’s a small crime
And I got no excuse

Is that alright?
I give my gun away when it’s loaded
Is that alright?
If you dont shoot it, how am I supposed to hold it
Is that alright?
I give my gun away when it’s loaded
Is that alright
Is that alright with you?

Is that alright?
I give my gun away when it’s loaded
Is that alright?
If you don’t shoot it, how am I supposed to hold it
Is that alright?
If I give my gun away when it’s loaded
Is that alright
Is that alright with you?

Is that alright?
Is that alright?
Is that alright with you?
Is that alright?
Is that alright?
Is that alright with you?

No..

- "9 Crimes", Damien Rice feat. Lisa Hannigan from 9

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Mighty Bond

December 5th, 2006 by epoyz

so. where were we?

let’s start with my overdue James Bond review. ok people, you all had your chance, if you haven’t seen Casino Royale by now, i can’t help you. here come some spoilers.

to start off, let’s me just say for the record that i never really liked Bond movies as an adult (or a 31-year old boy if you’re questioning my maturity), but i did like watching them as a kid. Moonraker, Dr. No, Octupussy (for moi, nastiest movie title e-ver, next to–), Goldfinger— damn, with titles like that, how could any boy say no? but as i grew up and watched Timothy Dalton and Pierce Brosnan take over Roger Moore, i just felt that i outgrew the Bond mystique. apart from his proclivity towards casual fornication, his secret agent exploits just didn’t do it enough to keep me awake for the whole movie. i found his interactions with John Cleese mildly funny, though, whenever he’s demonstrating another wildly invented gadget and Bond is fooling around with it. medyo corny na nga yung iba, e, pero sige, carry lang. e kaso coming into a Bond movie, knowing that whatever happens, bumagsak man ang mundo at mabiyak ang lupa at ngumalngal man si kris aquino sa channel 2, i knew James Bond would come out of it with nary a scratch, so why bother, di ba?

but damn, this daniel craig dude, he just blew my distrust in the Bond franchise out of the freakin’ water, man. this Bond was a ba-aaaaaaaad motherfucker, man. this dude was intense, he was cold but he was amped like A-M-P-E-D, man. damn, was this dog mangy and nasty.

i know, i know, OA na ‘ko, but whew, i never expected to like a Bond movie this much by looking at this pale-as-conan o’ brien’s-ass, grim-faced , dangerously-fast-receding-hairlined, ripped-as-a-mofo dude. never expected him to fit in with what Sean Connery and Roger Moore gave me as a kid. well, he didn’t try to fit in, is what i’m sayin’, he fucking blazed a fucking trail like a freaking trailblazer, man.

you wanted a James Bond to carry you through the 21st century? well, he’s here. and he’s breaking through walls and shit.

first off, nagmukhang lampa si pierce brosnan bigla compared to craig’s version (well, sa lahat naman ng bond, neck-and-neck sila ni timothy dalton sa pagiging balagoong na james bond, e). craig’s built like a mini-tank, agile as a black panther and sleek an’ poised to strike as a king cobra. and he looked very tasty in a tuxedo as well, ahahaay..(get a hold of yourself, man, dammit!)… pierce? in all of his bond movies i always see him holding his breath while acting out his lines, like his gut would jut out of his belt should he try and breathe out a little. craig’s chase scene with the black agile dude at the start of Casino Royale alone is for me worth the price of admission. and that’s word.

one thing that stood out for me is how they made James Bond bleed every time he got into a skirmish. he was tough as heck, this version, but he never came out unscathed. he was always getting bloodied up and ripped open and banged hard that it made you go "yan! ganyan kahirap maging spy!!"..plus he sort of failed in his first few outings, so the element of messing up was established early. at least they made me believe this one ain’t infallible. naniwala naman ako. utu-uto.

plus, this supposed re-telling of the first ever Bond book answered a whole lot of questions for me. like yung pagiging manyak niya, for example. and a few layers of reasons why he just hooks up with women and never ever gets "hooked-up" with them. ‘na mean?

e ikaw ba naman ang dumaan sa torture na ‘yun, no? ako kaya, sabihin lang sa kin ni LeChiffre kung ano gagawin niya dun sa lubid na may bakal e, pati siguro pagpatay kay lagman aaminin koh..pero hayun, natuloy nga ang pag-kalembang sa kanya. ika nga e, dining-dong si james bond. binarog. binayajyaj. isinahog. sinilver bells, silver bells, it’s christmas time in the city..

clarification lang: kinapon siya, pero yung franks ng franks n’ beans niya e ok naman, di ba? pinakinabangan pa nang maigi ni Vesper Lynd nung "honeymoon" nila, e (ok pangalan nung chick niya, naalala ko yung brand ng compressor na binili ko..). and her speech about what’s left of James? bola yun, pero sige na nga..

so yun na nga, after Vesper, sarado na puso ni James. awwwwwww….

ok, so to recap: Casino Royale: aprubado. daniel craig: sabi nila dati (pati ako), di bagay maging James Bond. ngayon ang hatol e, kandidato siya bilang pinaka-OK na James Bond. di poging-pogi, pero lalaking-lalaki ang dating, parang si Daboy. meron nang James Bond na makatotohanan ang pagkakagawa, so i’m eagerly waiting for the next one.

paano kaya ii-spoof ni Austin powers ‘to?

——-

My friend assures me, "It’s all or nothing."
I am not worried, I am not overly concerned.
My friend implores me, "For one time only,
make an exception." I am not worried.
Wrap her up in a package of lies,
Send her off to a coconut island.
I am not worried, I am not overly concerned with the status of my emotions.
"Oh," she says, "you’re changing."
We’re always changing…

It does not bother me to say this isn’t love.
Because if you don’t want to talk about it then it isn’t love.
And I guess I’m gonna have to live with that.
But I’m sure there’s something in a shade of grey,
Or something in between,
And I can always change my name
If that’s what you mean.

My friend assures me, "It’s all or nothing."
But I am not really worried, I am not overly concerned.
You try to tell yourself the things you try to tell yourself
To make yourself forget. To make yourself forget. I am not worried.
"If it’s love," she said, "then we’re gonna have to think about the consequences."
But she can’t stop shaking and I can’t stop touching her and…

This time when kindness falls like rain
It washes her away. And Anna begins to change her mind.
"These seconds when I’m shaking leave me shuddering for days," she says.
And I’m not ready for this sort of thing.

But I’m not gonna break and I’m not gonna worry about it anymore.
I’m not gonna bend, and I’m not gonna break. And I’m not going to worry about it anymore.
It seems like I should say, "As long as this is love…"
But it’s not all that easy, so maybe I should
Snap her up in a butterfly net and pin her down on a photograph album.
I am not worried cuz I’ve done this sort of thing before.
But then I start to think about the consequences,
And I don’t get no sleep in a quiet room and…

This time when kindness falls like rain
It washes me away. And Anna begins to change my mind.
And everytime she sneezes I believe it’s love and,
Oh lord, I’m not ready for this sort of thing.

She’s talking in her sleep.
It’s keeping me awake. And Anna begins to toss and turn.
And every word is nonsense but I understand and,
Oh lord, I’m not ready for this sort of thing.

Her kindness bangs a gong,
It’s moving me along. And Anna begins to fade away.
It’s chasing me away. She disappears, and
Oh lord, I’m not ready for this sort of thing.

- "Anna Begins", Counting Crows from August and Everything After

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Fighting For Manny And Glori

November 17th, 2006 by epoyz

"But He Didn’t Die."

‘Allo, sports fans. in a few hours we’ll finally get to see how the third installment of Pacquiao vs. Morales goes down. not that excited, really. personally i think Manny will administer a beatdown, but hey, what do i know? Morales may find the lion in his heart and make Manny regret he let all those distractions in his life and in his corner. Datu Puti? come on..

well, whatever-however gotesco, at least Manny made all that money this past year.

ok, i may have to admit that i am a bit "bi-curious" on this one. i hope Pacquiao wins, but i am very very curious on what will happen if and when he loses. seeing as we’ve become a country of jockstrap-riders and bandwagoners and user-friendly whoremongers, i wish i could enter an alternate reality boom tube and see how everything turns out in that other world where manny (ominously) gets beaten to a bloody pulp like the image on his nike shirt.

but of course Manny will win this one, don’t be silly. he’s just entering his peak and so well-conditioned right now that i think he’ll be virtually unbeatable for at least the next two years.

but again, hey, what do i really know, right?

i saw this article by quinito henson (a.k.a. kenny torhenson if you ask espn) a few months back and it was just so damn funny to me. one thing that stood out was when i got confused by this line: "Morales said he has nothing to prove against Pacquiao and his only goal is to change the public perception that he is ready toretire."

so being the dictionary widget abuser that i am, i immediately searched for the word "toretire" to see what that means. in my defense, i was reading very fast and in my head i interpreted kenny torhenson was branding Morales as someone who’s "already toretire". h-wow, that’s harsh, i thought.

ok, so back to the article. Kenny was telling how Morales planned to stuff Manny’s mouth because of the snide comments he made about anticipating their rematch "para matuloy na yung pagre-retire nya..". he went on to proclaim that Manny wasn’t the better fighter when he won their rematch, that he just got lucky Morales got tired.

ows?

di pala kasama ang superior physical conditioning na factor sa anumang sporting endeavor, ano?

siguro galit lang si Morales when he did that interview because that statement was just stupidly-stupid. and very unsportmanlike i might add. pag natalo ka talaga, wala kang magagawa pag niyabangan ka ng kalaban mo, just accept that he was superior, that you were inferior, and that his spanking monkey-style schooled your crawling doggie-style. you can only make it hurt worse by making stupid excuses.

"..napagod kasi ako, e, kaya ako natalo.." nice.

that’s akin to me proclaiming "mas magaling naman ako kay carmelo anthony, e, malaki lang kasi siya, egoy pa." o kaya e "bulok naman yan si caguioa sa kin, madali lang ako mapagod kaya di ako nakapasok sa pba." o di kaya naman e "mas malupit akong shooter kesa kay renren ritualo, noh? naiilang lang ako pag may nanonood kaya di ako maka-shoot…".

is-too-pid, di ba?

so ok, ok.. bukas naman malalaman na natin ang hatol, e. it’s just Manny, Erik and the ref inside that squared circle. who’s gonna come out on top? at least tomorrow we’re gonna see. i hope it don’t come down to the judges. as much as i’d like to see how Manny gets treated by our countrymen should he lose, i ain’t ready to relinquish the last shred of our country’s pride yet. at least two more years, until Boom-Boom Bautista peaks and gets to take over Philippine boxing.

naaalala nyo pa si Brian Villoria? o kitams, natalo lang di ba nawala nang parang bula, parang nung nalaos si Maui Taylor.

so on that note, let me join in on the scantily-clad well-wishers on solar sports (kita nyo yung isa, yung damit may biyak sa harap parang ernie’s barong..) in saying:

Go Manny!!! Manonood kami ng laban moh!!

"Climb up over the top
Survey the state of the soul
You’ve got to find out for yourself
Whether or not you’re truly trying
Why not give it a shot?
Shake it
Take control
And inevitably wind up
Finding for yourself
All the strengths you have inside of you."

-"Song For A Friend", Jason Mraz from Mr A-Z

and that’s word.

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Destabilization Fund

September 26th, 2006 by epoyz

quick question: would you voluntarily give your money to this monster?:

how ’bout this fucker, who would’ve made a strong case for enforcing birth control back in the 30s?:

or maybe the Dos Los Prosperos? tingnan nyo naman ang pagmumukha ng mga tukmol na ‘to..:

no?

well, i’ve got sour news for you, jack.

we’ve practically been funding a system that’s designed to plunge and mire us deeper into decades of darkness. we’ve been behind their cause all the way, and all we get from it is a stream of bitter comedy to get us through to the next punchline.

Mild satisfaction. i guess that’s what i’m trying to shoot for here.

i’ve been toying with this idea for quite a while now, but only recently was i able to gather the resolve to act on it. enough is enough, i thought.

it started when i commissioned this very, very big project back in ‘04, and i saw how much our family’s company shelled out to pay taxes to the government. puta, sabi ko.. e ipangvi-videoke lang ni congressman to, ah.. o di kaya’y plane ticket ng tsimay ni madam gina papunta sa pagsabit nila sa RP contingent papunta sa isang UN event.. di ko ba pwede ideretso na lang yung tax ko sa talagang nangangailangan? kasi kung may ibabahay na istarlet si senador eh ayaw ko naman magkaroon ako ng contribution sa "Pag-Ibig" fund nya..

well, given everything that’s happening in our country and the way the people have been relinquishing control to these fuckers, i got to finally decide on how best to pay my taxes.

simply put, from now on i’ma be trying my darndest best to be conscious of where my income taxes go. yung mga sales tax, government taxes at VAT at EVAT, wala na kong magagawa jan. kumain ka lang ng donat at uminom ng kapeng lasang pinaglabhan ng medyas, may cut na agad ang malakanyang dun. pinipiga na nga ang sahod mo na napakababa na to begin with, yung pinagkakagastusan mo pa ng kakarampot mong sweldo, tina-tax ka pa rin nang may pasobra. e ano magagawa natin e anjan na yan? my income tax, that’s another matter. baka yun pwede ko pa gawan ng paraan.

kaya, with all due respect to our country’s government officials, eh, putanginanyoinyonayan, choke on all that money, mgapunyetakayo.

tingnan nyo yang EVAT, pangako ni madame pwehsident e gagamitin sa pagrehabilitate ng Pilipinas, kaya kahit halos manganak tayo ng binatilyong baby sa hirap e sige, lumarga ang lola mo. pagkatapos makuha ang koleksyon e pinamudmod lang ang ganansya sa mga opisyales na nakapila nung SONA. paano mo di mahahalatang bayad ang mga hayup e, magbugaw lang ng nalaglag na tutsang si GMA habang nag i speech siya e sagad ang palakpak at standing ovation ng mga balahura. akala mo may namamagang almuranas at ayaw magsiupo ang mga punyetang mangungurakot, e.

now, as i’ve said, my income tax is a different story altogether. i’m pretty sure that there is a law that would eventually thwart this, but it’s a violation that i may be willing to go to court for and explain myself if necessary.

kasi naman, here i am feeling all guilty for not giving enough to the poor and underprivileged while i treat myself every once in a while to new shoes (may dahilan yan, hehe..), eh the money that i can give to them is there all along. so i sorta consulted our accountant and found out that i can exploit a loophole: as long as i can get a receipt for my charitable contributions, it’s tax deductible.

ganun naman pala, e, e di lahat ng tax ng kumpanya namin e idederetso ko na sa mga naghihirap sa Pilipinas. tutal naman, malaki na ang gap between the rich and the poor, eh irerekta ko na sa poor ang datung ko. imagine, ang setup namin ngayon is to give 3% of the total amount of any contract that we get. that’s three pesos for every one hundred bucks, 3000 for every hundred grand. e nasa construction kaya kami. sa kabibili pa lang na materials na at-cost namin, nakatanghod na ang gobyerno. so medyo malaki talaga cut ng mga hayup sa bawat kilos ng aming kumpanya. maliit pa kami nyan. aba e, mas maganda nga yatang lahat ng perang kikitain ko dapat para sa gobyerno, e, sa nagdarahop na mamamayang pilipino na mapunta.

there’s this institution that my sister’s been telling me to support. they help out orphans, send them to school and they build housing facilities and they try to help build a better nation by giving poor people a fighting chance to advance themselves in this hellhole. i got my brother to talk to their representative, he told them of my plan, and yep, we’re going to have something arranged. they issue a receipt for my contributions, i give them all our tax money, that’s the deal.

some people may have something to say about asking a receipt for contributions to charity, but hey, i’m also a firm believer that doing something good then talking about it lessens the deed. giving anonymously is the highest form of generosity, but in this case, i really want it to be known that this money is for the country, and the government is NOT the country.

e ito ngang si siraulo gonzalez (that wasn’t a typo, girl..), feeling niya e pera daw ng gobyerno ang nagpapaaral sa mga estudyante ng UP. good thing sir conrad put this delusional, senile old fart in his place, where he wrote "..As University Student Council chair Juan Paolo Alfonso pointed out, it was the people who were paying for their education, not government. Taxpayers’ money is money that belongs to the people, not to Raul Gonzalez or his boss, Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo."

and with her blood running just the perfect shade of maroon, patricia evangelista delivered this can of whoopass of a Payback to justice secretary tanders. oh my God, i’m so proud of the kid. her writing sorta metamorphosed into something dark and beautiful, and i love it. cursed with an intellect that spawned a wisdom very much beyond her years, she’s stepping up and giving it everything she’s got to make a difference. it’s almost as if she’s trying to get herself killed, doing all this brave writing and reporting, along with all the digging-for-and-exposing-the-truth thing. damn. let’s protect this kid, please. we can’t let them get to her, too.

because if you’re thinking that this whole threat to our nation ain’t real, it’s because you ain’t affected directly. yet. if you’re thinking they can’t do anything to you, you better get your head out of your ass: they already sent a clear message to jejomar binay. nobody’s untouchable, they brazenly proclaimed with this political killing. i’m not a big binay fan, either, but what i’m saying is: if they can do this to him, then dude.. if you have more juice than mayor binay so as to feel safe and untouchable by the government, then please, by all means, holla at your boy, hear?

so, left with not much to do but bitch and complain, i’m vainly exercising the power of one. at the very least, i’ll be getting a mild satisfaction, a smugness within myself that this time, in my small way, I’M stealing from the government. in a way that’s legal, of course. i’m not skirting my taxes, compadre, i’m just redirecting them.

from now on i’m refusing to help fund a government that will not protect me and my family, a government that’s even threatening to forego with my most basic of rights and have the gall to practically tell me that should they pass by and see me standing side by side with a suspected rebel, they have the right to gun me down. or point at me outright, yell "rebel!!", or "sympathizer", or "destabilizer chuvah!!!"— and proceed to riddle my ass with bullets. i ain’t tripping, yo, they can brand us as "enemies" anytime they want. hey, we once had this kid working for us as a gardener who turned out to be a member of the New People’s Army back in nueva ecija. with the government’s "cleansing" program soldiers could have just as easily broken my gate down and that kid may have been holding a trowel, seen as adopting a threatening pose, ratratin siya dun mismo tapos bahala na kung tamaan ako o kung sino mang andun na pwede maging "collateral damage". yehey.

i refuse to do accounting for a government that has ignored accountability a long time ago. i refuse to support a government that is only encouraging in its citizens a feeling of hopelessness, helplessness, cynicism and loss of pride in themselves that they accept a way of life that’s one or two degrees removed from anarchy and barbarism.

until we sort this shit out, my income taxes go directly to those who really need it. public record don’t mean shit to this country anymore, meaning the government can do anything with our money and get away with it. well at the very least with me, that shit is stopping.

at the very least when i read of some poor activist or a party list representative butchered by palparan’s men (retired my ass..), my hurt feelings won’t be aggravated by the knowledge that i pay partly for the salary of these animals, our so-called protectors.

at the very least when i plod through impossible traffic brought about by my fellow citizens’ lack of road discipline, i can think of how i’m not contributing fully in funding a government that won’t do its job of disciplining its people.

at the very least when i see the dos los prosperos doing their thing on TV, i can give them the finger through my TV screen and scream "you ain’t getting all my money, you fuckers!".

at the very least when justice secretary gonzalez utters another stupid statement i’ll be amused at how in my own way i’m telling him to crawl up inside his own ass and die.

mild satisfaction. at the very least.

And the same when autumn comes
Cold air i breathe in my lungs
Something’s new but nothing’s changed
Familiar feelings just the same

Soon too the warm air comes by
Lie back and stare at blue skies
Thinking back away and from
When i’ll be here and you’ll be gone

Further from me

I think now of summers high
And reminisce of past times gone by
Only remembered now in
Earth, trees, the stars that have been there
And there forever held
Kept safe but memories never told
But felt if you went by
In never changing sky

And we’ll be gone
Further

God’s love will save our light
And we’ll come shining bright
God’s love will save our sun
And thy will be done.

God’s light will save us..

- "Further", Longview

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What We Were And What We’ve Become

August 21st, 2006 by epoyz

it’s like the heavens knew what day it was.

all day long there was no heavy downpour, no lashing outburst of any kind from mother nature. just steady, unceasing flow of soft, gentle drops of rain accompanied the persistent gloom that managed to creep into every inch of every room. at least that’s how it seemed for me.

one of my very first conscious memories as a child was when there was a good couple of days that strangers took turns in holding me, passing me around and watching over me as i constantly tried to reach my mom. it was a very troubling sight for a child to see: your mother, who at that point was your rock, the only person in the world who can still your heart and wipe your every tear, weeping inconsolably in front of all these strangers.

i understood later that she wept for her slain younger brother, his life snuffed out by a jealous rival’s blade while visiting his girlfriend’s house. he was barely in his twenties then.

the second time that i saw my mother weep like that was when i was seven years old, but this time it was very hard for me to understand why. she and almost everybody else was glued to their TV sets, mourning this man who was slain as he was coming off a plane.

i understood later that that man was ninoy aquino, and his death symbolized a country’s hope being snuffed out. the next few weeks would become a sort of coming of age for me, as i learned who ninoy was. not unlike a michael jordan highlight reel, i was exposed to countless tributes, tales of the man’s greatness and stories that told of what he meant to the country then. i watched wide-eyed video clips of this bespectacled man as he thundered in delivering line after line against marcos ( i didn’t know what martial law meant then..), lighting up the room with his good-natured ribbing of the present government, dazzling me with unparalleled wit and candor and intelligence. settling with my parents as the whole country was reminded of what we lost, i followed the coverage of his funeral which drew leagues of people.

for the next two years the philippine media would not let us forget. i grew up learning to understand how truly great ninoy was, how he was imprisoned and taken away from his family and how he endured everything, the torture, the hunger strikes, the solitary confinement, his exile to another country, his sacrifices for his conviction that the filipino is worth dying for. i had to know of ninoy aquino before i understood what jose rizal being shot at bagumbayan was all about. after all that everything sort of just fell into place for me.

as a young child i followed everything that led to february 25,1986. you could say i was brought up right, that ninoy aquino helped raise me as a child because my mom was always talking about him and the sacrifices he made. she was in EDSA when People Power prevailed. happy times.

i was in EDSA in 2001. i wanted to have what my mom had, i wanted a piece of history for myself, something that i can pass to my children someday. well, we all know how "People Power 2" turned out for our country. congratulations sa ating lahat.

oh-kay. so what do we have now, 23 years after the death of, to me, pound-for-pound the greatest of filipino heroes? well, pretty much the same shit as when he was still alive. although i believe the country is very much worse than when he was fighting for it, as this and countless other articles i’ve been reading the past few weeks would prove. this sort of shit is unthinkable and i still can’t believe we’re letting this happen.

we’re not short of stories that would stir us to stand up to this. what i can’t understand is why we’re still splayed on the ground helpless.

"somebody please do something.. anything..".

i have heard, read and seen that line countless times being used to convey a most desperate cry for help. i’ve read it in heroic fantasy novels, seen it in comic books and superhero movies. for me it is a final cry before the descent of silence, the acceptance that all hope is lost.

i always followed patricia evangelista’s column ever since i learned that she was the kid who delivered that great speech about being filipino, the one that won her and the country much pride and honor a few years back. i find her writing very much refreshing, as if i was reading of seeing things through the eyes of a 20-year old, when the world was full of promise and the universe was there to conquer and discover. she was my break from reading conrado de quiros, randy david and manuel l. quezon III.

alas.

her writing turned from this, this and this…aaand this..

..to this, this and this in a span of three weeks.

i still love her writing, but it saddens me to see her being forced to grow up too soon. me, i enjoyed being thrust into the real world until i was 27. i grew a social conscience when i turned 28, and like i said before, it was a very painful and very disturbing experience. she’s only 20, 21 years old and she’s forced to experience and recount this shit. but people like her give me hope.

it’s people like us who were there and saw what we won back in 1986 after decades of the same shit that’s going on today, electing to "move on" with our lives, letting all these atrocities become acceptable, who make me lose hope in the filipino.

somebody please do something..anything.

because now we’ve sunk to an all-time low. at least people tried to take to the streets last february 25. now all we can do is let the heavens cry for us. all i did today was wear my yellow shirt to work and mope and look for any sign of movement from the news.

nothing.

today we have truly become unworthy of ninoy aquino’s sacrifice. today the antitheses of what ninoy aquino stood for officially outnumbered the two million who flocked to his funeral. indeed, today we denied him of his legacy.

today, 23 years after his death, i finally wept for ninoy aquino.

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The Piper’s Calling You To Join Him

August 7th, 2006 by epoyz

diced talong.

that’s right, diced talong.

boys, try saying that aloud without cringing, or without making an involuntary twitch, or having "ouch" flash in your brain in big red letters as you’re saying it. or just try saying it flat out without wincing or freezing. come on.

di ba?

the reason for this whole discourse is that i’ve been doing this single guy meal for so long (penne rigate, chunky italian sauce from the can, parmesan cheese and fried diced talong) but just recently caught myself saying this integral ingredient out loud. then my knees suddenly buckled. i tried saying it out loud again, and i kind of felt a tinge of discomfort and choked up a bit. the third time my wily willy wailed out in protest.

some of my women friends asked us guys if getting kicked in the family jewels really hurt and i told them this: try mock-kicking or mock-punching someone in the balls and most likely he will keel over even though you didn’t connect. or just threaten a dude that you’re gonna punch his special place and you’ll see that almost-imperceptible-to-the-untrained-eye cringe. then he will instinctively cup his hands to protect the "groinal" area…

oh-kay. just getting that out in the open. men are sissies. and i’m an ass.

"..Spin me some sad story
Sell me some excuse
To help me understand the things you do
’Cause the way you treat your lovers
Well I just can’t relate
Well where’d you learn to shoot your gun so straight?

Oh baby won’t you cry?
Show me there are some tears behind your eyes
Oh baby won’t you cry?
Show me there’s a hurt behind your eyes.."

-"Shoot Your Gun", 22-20s from 22-20s

kung di pa ba naman talaga halatang-halata ito, e, ewan ko na lang. Live reporting of the committee on justice’s hearings on the impeachment complaints against President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo are now forbidden. these fuckers, a really shameless lot, no?

o ayan na, harap-harapan nang sinasabi na ang tatanga natin. NR pa rin?

i caught clips of this freak show last night in the news, and saw that a fight almost broke out. aba e kung ako ang nandun magpapa-umpisa talaga ako ng rambol, and i’m taking a whole lot of these assholes down with me.

and the arguments, oh the arguments…elibs talaga ako sa mga nagtitiyagang lumaban para sa ‘tin. the affront to one’s intellectual capacities in these proceedings is just..it’s just too.. man, i can’t even put it in words.

shameless, shameless, shameless, shameless.

"They will find neither justice nor a future here..", Conrado de Quiros told his readers in this installment of his column. he’s recommending that we either take to the hills or go abroad. damn, if we can’t correct all this i will seriously consider packing my shit and just go away. but i’m willing to stay until the bitter end. bahala na.

aside from that, i’m still waiting for mr. de Quiros to finally reach the end of his wits. even i can’t believe we’re just letting things like these go on unchecked. brod, tingin ko bigla na lang mag-aamok itong si sir conrad, e. feel ko lang, ha? dapat may live coverage nun, if ever, no? compelling reality TV, that would surely be.. if he agrees to take a flame thrower ( o kahit gulok lang..) to malakanyang or kahit sa congress, i’m sure mark burnett will sign him up..

and here he gives tribute to my idol, the real bicolano superman. yung mababait talaga maaga kinukuha ni Lord. sayang lang, now somebody else needs to step up.

i felt really bad that i wasn’t able to catch a glimpse of the fab 5 when they visited the country. yes, inaamin ko: i’m really fascinated with carson kressley. pareho kasi sila kumilos at magsalita ng barkada kong si joel, and i really miss him. i miss you, baklah!! huhuhu…

eherm, eherm..

and it would have been really great if they shot an episode here, siyempre featuring a hapless pinoy bachelor who has no idea of what he’s doing. na-imagine ko pa tuloy kung kunwari ako yun, i’m sure they’ll have a field day trying to fix me: i dress like a twelve-year-old boy (always in t-shirt, shorts and basketbal shoes, minsan may cap, minsan wala…), my room looks like a nike park stock room, i have a lot of monobloc chairs, my diet consists of bacon, eggs, pasta, chips and bread, and i’m voluntarily bald. culture? i took my mom to watch miss saigon once (third row, kaso rightmost seat.. was really bummed to be placed there, but when lea salonga started changing her clothes thirty feet from me, biglang naging sulit na yung ticket…) and that was it. i only dance when i’m trying to make people laugh, and i only go out for basketball. so tingin nyo, pwede ba ako i-queer eye?

di siguro. saka baka sumobra pag e enjoy ko e bigla pang mapa-join ako sa kanila..

i read somewhere that j.k. rowling may be planning to kill harry potter in the seventh book. hay naku, sana nga, dapat nga nung book 5 tsinugi na ‘yun, noh? nakakainis. arte, sobra. swerte lang siya nasa title lagi pangalan niya..

basta wag niya lang gagalawin si ron, ok na ‘ko. and i hope he scores on the last book, para sumaya naman si hermione.. nyehehehehe.. sa quidditch, ha? di ba goalie siya dun? tsktsk…dudumi ng utak nyo, grabe..

kalahatian na ng august. tapos septemBER na. sabi nga ni Bono: "and the days, days, days, run way like horses over the hills…". makapagipon na at dalawampu na yata ang inaanak ko..

"There’s a feeling I get
When I look to the west,
And my spirit is crying for leaving.."

-"Stairway To Heaven", Led Zeppelin from Led Zeppelin

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Truth, Justice And The American Aid

July 31st, 2006 by epoyz

Is it just me or is money running out too fast nowadays, like you’re trying to cup water with one hand?

of course you know i’m setting this up to hate on the government, right?

but fuck, man, what else can i do? parang kailan lang (actually two years ago, nung bago mag-eleksyon..), my most favorite activity is going to the supermarket to do my grocery. i just moved in my own place (dati roomies kami sa lumang office/apartment/hq..), and i just loved filling my new ref with food and drinks and other stuff that’s bad for your health.. meron pa kong stash ng junk food in a cool, dry place… i remember i used to go grocery shopping at least once a week, i spend an average of 1000 pesos for stuff that keep on piling in my ref (yung iba nari-raid ng mga kapatid ko..), and my single guy ref is just so pretty to look at.

fast forward to the present: nowadays i avoid going to the grocery that much because my thousand bucks for the week usually just covers my actual food consumption for, yes, one whole week. after all the cost-cutting i’ve made pa yun, dude. i actually catch myself quelling my hunger pangs in the middle of the night because i want to put off my grocery shopping until i actually need to buy stuff.

and i used to eat out a lot. ngayon sa bahay na lang, luto-luto para tipid. one big difference from two years ago saka ngayon? nowadays i actually look at the receipt and study it when i/we eat out. i look at the receipt and kick myself and piss and moan and curse under my breath the very assholes that reduced me to this state. bad trip magtipid sa pagkain, brod, but what can you do?

sino ba naman ang matutuwa? the whole family dined out a few weeks back and i was doing the computation of the bill in my head because, well you know, buffet price per head plus an estimate of the cost of bottomless drinks.. madali lang, di ba? i was absolutely mortified when the bill came: tama hula ko, the food and drinks came at 6500. plus service charge? okay, no problem, that’s cool.. E-VAT!?! 12 %?!! pootah!! not a fan of spending money needlessly, shelling out 780 to the government is just excruciating. especially if you watch the lame ads that they show in theaters, yung mga "from the office of the president".. alam mong inuuto ka lang, e. sample? sample?

PCSO’s "ang maong". huh?

e yung "magbayad tayo ng wastong buwis, para sa ikauunlad ng bayan ito.."? punyeta..

that radio ad for PAG-IBIG: "magkakasosyo tayo ditow, brow.. tulungan tayo ng gobyernow..". well, gudlak sa iyow, kapatid..

i once caught that ad about the E-VAT starting on my TV, i had to change the channel, lest i’d be compelled to throw my glass of iced tea (na dati e fresh orange juice pa, can afford pa tayo ‘nun..) at the TV screen. sayang naman.

saka, kung marami talagang natutulungan ang gobyerno, bakit dalawang taon na e si jolina magdangal pa rin ang pinapakita nila? ginamit pa nila yung mahirap na pamilya nung maysakit na bata. wala bang bagong natulungan? gumagawa na rin lang kayo ng commercial, e..

i almost had this rage in check, kita nyo naman i’ve mellowed down in ranting, kaso nagbasa na naman ako ng diyaryo. aba’y akala ko kasi, 728 million LANG yang fertilizer scam na yan. e anak ng puta e 3 billion pa pala, mantakin mo yown..sabi sa ‘yo, may mga bagay na mas masarap na di mo na lang nalalaman e. it became really painful when i learned about Marlene Esperat and her assasination. i’ve never known about her until i read this. here’s someone who tried to do something to stop this and she paid for it with her life. her children lost her.for trying to fucking do the fucking right thing.

she died for a cause and i don’t even know her. she risked her life and eventually lost it, but virtually no one is talking about her. when i was a kid i was always thinking of ways to go down a hero and be remembered. like the boy who stuck his arm in that leaking dike. or rizal, or at least those minor cast of heroes who did some minor shit or said some major things or wrote some serious shit against the oppressors. here’s a woman who did something heroic, and i didn’t even know about her. again, is it just me or a few years ago this would have raised a major furor? how about the kidnapped teacher during the elections and all other witnesses to this bullshit who are being kept quiet?

fact is, we don’t seem to care that much anymore. we just spread our butt cheeks and let them screw us over and over.

look at thailand: they went through the same shit, but they actually went ahead and filed criminal charges against their erring election officials. now they’re in jail, and rightly so. eh dito? harapan na ang dayaan, kurakutan at nakawan e para lang tayong naglalaro ng taguan at moro-moro.

the thais are probably looking at us with either disgust or dismay. tayo pa naman nagpauso ng people power, but now we’ve sunk so low we’ve taken indifference to another level. and you know that the opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference, right? love of country? what?

this dude gives his take on the state of the nation. that’s word. 16,000 soldiers and policemen deployed for the SONA? di naman ba masyadong halata yun?

is there light at the end of this? unless there’s an intervention or a more powerful force than this pinoy mafia that will join the fray, baka pa. so when i read this story, i thought, this could be really awesome, makikialam na ang US. see, involved na yung pera nila e, so i’m guessing they’re a tad pissed and want to get to the bottom of this. ikaw ba naman ang utangan, tapos gagamitin lang pala sa kampanya? sing, jocjoc, sing!

haaay, naku. i hate writing about this, but what can i do? sabi nga ni lewis black, it’s a great time for him to be a comedian, what with all that’s happening all around us. you just pick up the paper and there’s your material. for him practically the jokes just keep presenting themselves, di na niya kailangan mag-isip. if you report about stuff like this for a living, di ka mauubusan ng isusulat. but if you really love the place you’re living in right now, it must be really hard writing about it everyday. it’s the same shit with some new shit being piled on top of it every single damned day. buti na lang di ako journalist. i would hate to have to report on this. i’m happy to be perched on top of my branch in the tree, hurling insults and invective at passers-by like a mayna bird. with the occasional catcall for the la-diez, of course.

this is freaking way too much phobia to cram into a movie. i love it!

can somebody please confirm this for me? is sonny belmonte THIS good? is he all that and a bag of chips? ayun, bumaduy tuloy. seriously, when we lost raul roco i thought we’d be hard-pressed to find someone who is that good and that honest to give this country hope. paki naman, please.. i want to believe this. kasi naman si FVR yung isang nagsasabi, e, duda tuloy ako.

just found out that they’re going to include deleted scenes from superman returns in the dvd, but not an extended version the way they did the LOTR trilogy. i guess that’s good enough, i heard there are some awesome scenes there, but i would have loved it if they went on and filmed that one at ground zero. you can find that note here, along with a lot of other superman returns trivia.

so sabi nila, the superman returns storyline begins where superman 2 left off. di daw counted yung superman 3 and superman 4. you know i had many questions before, but this information just opened up a whole can of worms for me. saka ko na lang itatanong. for the meantime pag-aaralan ko muna itong Supermanica.

hey, haven’t cried for a while now but when i came across this man’s story i just lost it and sobbed.

not too comfortable about the postscript, but hey, at least the kids will be okay.

okeyokeyokey… nailabas ko rin ang aking distaste.. really hate this, but you stick with your team if you really love it. kaya di pa rin ako nawawalan ng pag-asa sa pilipinas. victory will be so much sweeter after all of this. sabi nga ni JT: "Hey, if you’re not with the team through tough times, you’re nothing but a bandwagon fan."

V for Vendetta na!

"Oh don’t talk of love" the shadows purr
Murmuring me away from you
"Don’t talk of worlds that never were
The end is all that’s ever true
There’s nothing you can ever say
Nothing you can ever do… "
Still every night I burn
Every night I scream your name
Every night I burn
Every night the dream’s the same
Every night I burn
Waiting for my only friend
Every night I burn
Waiting for the world to end..

- "Burn", The Cure from The Crow OST

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