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The Tingting Mandate

February 7th, 2007 by epoyz

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You’re barely waking
And I’m tangled up in you

I’m open, you’re closed
Where I follow, you’ll go
I worry I won’t see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I’m quiet you know
You make a first impression
I’ve found I’m scared to know I’m always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Don’t stop here
I’ve lost my place
I’m close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide.

            -" Collide", Howie Day from Stop All The World Now

Collide!! yan ang mangyayari sa Ginebra at San Miguel sa finals!!

ang corny nun, a. pero excited na ko.

personally, i’d rather have The Red Bull-Bulls as Ginebra’s opponents in the finals. i’m still smarting from when they made tsamba and got away with an offensive foul non-call on enrico villanueva, the one where he floored rodney santos and enabled celino cruz to shoot a wide-open three in game 7 of last year’s semifinals. that was when ginebra had chris porter as their import (30 game 6 rebounds!!!) and 1 minute and change away from completing another historic climb from a 1-3 deficit.

well, with the Red Bull-Bulls missing all those free throws, in a game 7 nonetheless, after all their tough talk and yeng guiao’s barbs and theatrics, they deserved to bow down to the beermen. san miguel displayed prolific basketball, The Red Bull-Bulls wilted under the pressure. the prospect of winning this game 7 and having to face Ginebra’s wrath in the finals as their reward proved too much for them to handle. 20 missed free throws in a game 7?  mga kabadings.

kudos to san miguel, themselves discovering redemption from when junthy "diego" valenzuela converted on a buzzer beater last year to take a 1-point win in game 7 of their semifinal duel. with this win, they finally banished the spectre of that painful loss, specially when they saw pampanga vice governor yeng guiao yelling at SMB’s fans at the cuneta astrodome : "ano? mga put*%#@inanyo!! whoo!!" when diego made the shot.

we shall enjoy beating the beermen in this finals series, pero sayang, it won’t be as satisfying as trashing The Red Bull-Bulls in a championship confrontation, parang nung ginawa nila nung andun pa si torion. being denied of that prospect, i’m sort of miffed. piro oki lang.

sana makalaro na si papa menk. nakikipag-rambol pa kasi e, ayan, nahampas tuloy ng tubo sa binti. tsk. ipinadukot na kaya nina tony boy yung pumalo dun? i’m guessing the one who took out menk for the series has some pretty serious juice himself, knowing who he’s trying to take out. o di kaya naman he was so hammered and galactically-stupid to a) try and engage fafa eric in a fight (i swear, sinlaki ng braso ni menk ang binti at hita ko…) and b) be oblivious of a guaranteed payback from the san miguel corporation for damaging their materiales fuertes in time for a crucial semifinal showdown. ano nga kaya ang totoong nangyari dun? hmmmm….

kasi naman, with all this pent-up anger and all of this "pataasan ng ihi" among your fellowmen, di talaga malayo na mapunta sa violent confrontation ang lahat ng nangyayari sa pinas. at least our politicians aren’t beating each other up in the senate and congress, unlike those folks in taiwan, nagbabatuhan pa ng sapatos bukod sa nagsasampalan, nagsasabunutan at nagchuchuntukan. dito sa pilipinas, nagraratratan lang sila sa labas…

pero yung everyday living ng ordinary folk? seems like we’re just plodding on in the midst of all the bullshit that’s going on around us. each and every one of us are either just trying to make a living, trying to get the kids through school, trying to save a relationship, trying to get in a relationship, trying to make ends meet…trying, trying, trying, tapos andami pang bwisit sa paligid mo. the prospect of another dirty elections, the government’s underhanded tactics to avoid relinquishing control to the people, mga magnanakaw na politicians na ninanakawan pa yung mga pinakamahihirap na mga mamamayan natin, mga kupal na driver, mangongotong na pulis na di nanghuhuli ng mga kupal na driver, namemera pa sa mga private vehicle owners, mga mandurugas sa mrt, mga kupal na kapwa-pilipino, mga tiwaling empleyado ng gobyerno, mga mapanamantalang driver ng taxi, mga maliliit na burger sa fastfood pag gutom na gutom ka na pepekein ka pa ng picture…

if you’re an ordinary citizen and you want peace, you’re bound to never get it, sobrang dami ng koalisyon ng mga kupal sa paligid mo. top this on your everyday problems and you’ll feel you’re going to explode like peter petrelli trying to hold all of this bullshit down. sooner or later, i’m telling you, somebody’s gonna get a gun and go apeshit on everybody. i once drove by a traffic altercation that led to a jeepney driver going for his metal tube and the two men he’s arguing with going back to their vehicle to get a small hatchet each. i don’t know how that went down, i was just passing through but damn, that could have ended ugly. so much hate, so much anger, ika nga ni Yoda.

thus, the conception of The Tingting Mandate.

i think each and every one of us should be allowed the option to carry around a 3-ft-long Tingting, and be free to strike anyone who draws our ire: yung makulit na ale sa bus na naniniksik pa e ang laki laki na ng balakang sa kakakain ng Gonads Donatch (Gonuts Donuts, ahem..), the fellow who cuts in line at the fx terminal, the bitch at the mcdo counter, and yes, the road usurper, yung kupal sa kalye na gumagawa ng sarili nyang pila tapos makikisiksik sa bottleneck o intersection.

no, no one is going to be allowed to use anything other than their Tingting to strike, no fists, no throwing of slippers, no spitting and eye-gouging, no physical contact whatsoever. only their regulation-approved Tingting (the end shouldn’t be hard enough for it to be used as a poking device) can make contact with the other party, on any part of the body except the face. no touching of the other one’s Tingting, and no attempt to break it shall be made. and yes, to make it simple, pwede rin mag-gang war pero tingting lang ang gamit. siyempre kung mag-isa ka lang naman you won’t dare try to engage a larger group, di ba? The Tingting Mandate enables you an option to challenge anyone who offends you to a duel. you will be able to unleash your pent-up rage at any time without the risk of seriously hurting somebody or worse, going to jail for homicide. pag nabubwisit ka, mang-atake ka ng Tingting mo, puta, ewan ko lang kung di maubos ang galit mo sa pagod sa kakahataw.

tingin nyo, kung in effect na ang Tingting Mandate e napatay kaya ni Leviste yung aide niya? di hindi sana siya nakakulong ngayon, puro latay lang yung alalay niya..

of course, lahat naman ng batas ang hirap ipatupad dito sa Pilipinas e. who would ensure that all the principles of The Tingting Mandate are enforced at all times? tayo-tayo din. when someone goes overboard with it and starts using fists or starts kicking, i bet we’d be more compelled to butt in kasi nga, meron nang Tingting Mandate e, meron nang susundan na guidelines. kasi, imagine, nasa pila ka ng fx. may babaeng nangunguna agad tumabi sa driver komo kasama siya sa sampu sa bilang, e ikaw naman ang no. 1 dun sa sampu. manggagamit pa ng kasamang bata yan, kung minsan, patatakbuhin agad yung batang kasama nila para makapamili ng magandang upuan. kung lalaki ka di mo naman pwede patulan at shempre, kung for example e matandang walang pinagkatandaan ang kumukupal sa yo, aside from fisticuffs, you don’t have any other option but let the offender have their way.

but with the Tingting Mandate, walang lalaki, walang babae, walang bata, walang matanda. oo, mas malakas siguro humampas ng tingting yung malalaking tao, pero at least, kung tingting lang ang tatama sa yo, at hindi kamao ng ga-bakulaw na maton, di ba mas tatapang ka mang-away ng mas malaki sa yo? at kung bulinggit naman ang kaaway mo, ok lang din hambalusin mo ng tingting, di ka nangbu-bully.

ongapala, allowed din siguro magmura at magsisigaw habang nanghahampas ng tingting. mas madali makapagod pag nagsisisigaw ka, e, so mauubos agad ang turbo mo pag hampas ka nang hampas tapos mura ka pa ng mura, mas madali matatapos ang away. saka wala namang bearing kung magaling magmura yung kaduwelo mo, kasi ika nga, "sticks and stones can hurt my bones (in this case Tingting can hurt my skin…) but words..". hmph. wag na nga.

it’s a stupid idea, but it can be brilliant if executed well, no?

———-

She wanted to be a cowboy
She was shootin’ ‘em down
She was tramping around.
He walked in crooked with the clear blue eyes.
"There’s a nice pool at my motel you want to go for a swim?"
That night he moved in.

The time between meeting and finally leaving is
Sometimes called falling in love.
The time between meeting and finally leaving is
Sometimes called falling in love.

At night she’d wait for the sound of his feet on the doormat,
The sound of his hand on the doorknob,
The sound of her heart beating in her head.
He’d go out playing nickel slots, cause he knew he’d lose -
She didn’t know, so she couldn’t choose.
One night while sleeping along in her bed,
The phone rang, she woke up, and sat up and said,
"What time is it? What time is it?"
"Well, it’s 5:30 here and it’s 2:30 there,
And I won’t be home tonight," he said.

The time between meeting and finally leaving is
Sometimes called falling in love.
The time between meeting and finally leaving is
Sometimes called falling in love.

Now she sits in a booth in a diner,
Waiting for someone to take her order,
Waiting for someone to come and sit down.
She rubs the smudge off the photograph, puts it back into her purse.
The grey sky was romatic cause he was holding her hand,
He was her man.

The time between meeting and finally leaving is
Sometimes called falling in love.
The time between meeting and finally leaving is
Sometimes calling falling in love.
Sometimes called falling in love.

She wanted to be a cowboy,
She was shootin’ ‘em down,
She was tramping around.

          -"Falling In Love", Lisa Loeb from Firecracker

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