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Mighty Bond

December 5th, 2006 by epoyz

so. where were we?

let’s start with my overdue James Bond review. ok people, you all had your chance, if you haven’t seen Casino Royale by now, i can’t help you. here come some spoilers.

to start off, let’s me just say for the record that i never really liked Bond movies as an adult (or a 31-year old boy if you’re questioning my maturity), but i did like watching them as a kid. Moonraker, Dr. No, Octupussy (for moi, nastiest movie title e-ver, next to–), Goldfinger— damn, with titles like that, how could any boy say no? but as i grew up and watched Timothy Dalton and Pierce Brosnan take over Roger Moore, i just felt that i outgrew the Bond mystique. apart from his proclivity towards casual fornication, his secret agent exploits just didn’t do it enough to keep me awake for the whole movie. i found his interactions with John Cleese mildly funny, though, whenever he’s demonstrating another wildly invented gadget and Bond is fooling around with it. medyo corny na nga yung iba, e, pero sige, carry lang. e kaso coming into a Bond movie, knowing that whatever happens, bumagsak man ang mundo at mabiyak ang lupa at ngumalngal man si kris aquino sa channel 2, i knew James Bond would come out of it with nary a scratch, so why bother, di ba?

but damn, this daniel craig dude, he just blew my distrust in the Bond franchise out of the freakin’ water, man. this Bond was a ba-aaaaaaaad motherfucker, man. this dude was intense, he was cold but he was amped like A-M-P-E-D, man. damn, was this dog mangy and nasty.

i know, i know, OA na ‘ko, but whew, i never expected to like a Bond movie this much by looking at this pale-as-conan o’ brien’s-ass, grim-faced , dangerously-fast-receding-hairlined, ripped-as-a-mofo dude. never expected him to fit in with what Sean Connery and Roger Moore gave me as a kid. well, he didn’t try to fit in, is what i’m sayin’, he fucking blazed a fucking trail like a freaking trailblazer, man.

you wanted a James Bond to carry you through the 21st century? well, he’s here. and he’s breaking through walls and shit.

first off, nagmukhang lampa si pierce brosnan bigla compared to craig’s version (well, sa lahat naman ng bond, neck-and-neck sila ni timothy dalton sa pagiging balagoong na james bond, e). craig’s built like a mini-tank, agile as a black panther and sleek an’ poised to strike as a king cobra. and he looked very tasty in a tuxedo as well, ahahaay..(get a hold of yourself, man, dammit!)… pierce? in all of his bond movies i always see him holding his breath while acting out his lines, like his gut would jut out of his belt should he try and breathe out a little. craig’s chase scene with the black agile dude at the start of Casino Royale alone is for me worth the price of admission. and that’s word.

one thing that stood out for me is how they made James Bond bleed every time he got into a skirmish. he was tough as heck, this version, but he never came out unscathed. he was always getting bloodied up and ripped open and banged hard that it made you go "yan! ganyan kahirap maging spy!!"..plus he sort of failed in his first few outings, so the element of messing up was established early. at least they made me believe this one ain’t infallible. naniwala naman ako. utu-uto.

plus, this supposed re-telling of the first ever Bond book answered a whole lot of questions for me. like yung pagiging manyak niya, for example. and a few layers of reasons why he just hooks up with women and never ever gets "hooked-up" with them. ‘na mean?

e ikaw ba naman ang dumaan sa torture na ‘yun, no? ako kaya, sabihin lang sa kin ni LeChiffre kung ano gagawin niya dun sa lubid na may bakal e, pati siguro pagpatay kay lagman aaminin koh..pero hayun, natuloy nga ang pag-kalembang sa kanya. ika nga e, dining-dong si james bond. binarog. binayajyaj. isinahog. sinilver bells, silver bells, it’s christmas time in the city..

clarification lang: kinapon siya, pero yung franks ng franks n’ beans niya e ok naman, di ba? pinakinabangan pa nang maigi ni Vesper Lynd nung "honeymoon" nila, e (ok pangalan nung chick niya, naalala ko yung brand ng compressor na binili ko..). and her speech about what’s left of James? bola yun, pero sige na nga..

so yun na nga, after Vesper, sarado na puso ni James. awwwwwww….

ok, so to recap: Casino Royale: aprubado. daniel craig: sabi nila dati (pati ako), di bagay maging James Bond. ngayon ang hatol e, kandidato siya bilang pinaka-OK na James Bond. di poging-pogi, pero lalaking-lalaki ang dating, parang si Daboy. meron nang James Bond na makatotohanan ang pagkakagawa, so i’m eagerly waiting for the next one.

paano kaya ii-spoof ni Austin powers ‘to?

——-

My friend assures me, "It’s all or nothing."
I am not worried, I am not overly concerned.
My friend implores me, "For one time only,
make an exception." I am not worried.
Wrap her up in a package of lies,
Send her off to a coconut island.
I am not worried, I am not overly concerned with the status of my emotions.
"Oh," she says, "you’re changing."
We’re always changing…

It does not bother me to say this isn’t love.
Because if you don’t want to talk about it then it isn’t love.
And I guess I’m gonna have to live with that.
But I’m sure there’s something in a shade of grey,
Or something in between,
And I can always change my name
If that’s what you mean.

My friend assures me, "It’s all or nothing."
But I am not really worried, I am not overly concerned.
You try to tell yourself the things you try to tell yourself
To make yourself forget. To make yourself forget. I am not worried.
"If it’s love," she said, "then we’re gonna have to think about the consequences."
But she can’t stop shaking and I can’t stop touching her and…

This time when kindness falls like rain
It washes her away. And Anna begins to change her mind.
"These seconds when I’m shaking leave me shuddering for days," she says.
And I’m not ready for this sort of thing.

But I’m not gonna break and I’m not gonna worry about it anymore.
I’m not gonna bend, and I’m not gonna break. And I’m not going to worry about it anymore.
It seems like I should say, "As long as this is love…"
But it’s not all that easy, so maybe I should
Snap her up in a butterfly net and pin her down on a photograph album.
I am not worried cuz I’ve done this sort of thing before.
But then I start to think about the consequences,
And I don’t get no sleep in a quiet room and…

This time when kindness falls like rain
It washes me away. And Anna begins to change my mind.
And everytime she sneezes I believe it’s love and,
Oh lord, I’m not ready for this sort of thing.

She’s talking in her sleep.
It’s keeping me awake. And Anna begins to toss and turn.
And every word is nonsense but I understand and,
Oh lord, I’m not ready for this sort of thing.

Her kindness bangs a gong,
It’s moving me along. And Anna begins to fade away.
It’s chasing me away. She disappears, and
Oh lord, I’m not ready for this sort of thing.

              - "Anna Begins", Counting Crows from August and Everything After

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