EpoyzBlog

Is it just me or is money running out too fast nowadays, like you’re trying to cup water with one hand?

of course you know i’m setting this up to hate on the government, right?

but fuck, man, what else can i do? parang kailan lang (actually two years ago, nung bago mag-eleksyon..), my most favorite activity is going to the supermarket to do my grocery. i just moved in my own place (dati roomies kami sa lumang office/apartment/hq..), and i just loved filling my new ref with food and drinks and other stuff that’s bad for your health.. meron pa kong stash ng junk food in a cool, dry place… i remember i used to go grocery shopping at least once a week, i spend an average of 1000 pesos for stuff that keep on piling in my ref (yung iba nari-raid ng mga kapatid ko..), and my single guy ref is just so pretty to look at.

fast forward to the present: nowadays i avoid going to the grocery that much because my thousand bucks for the week usually just covers my actual food consumption for, yes, one whole week. after all the cost-cutting i’ve made pa yun, dude. i actually catch myself quelling my hunger pangs in the middle of the night because i want to put off my grocery shopping until i actually need to buy stuff.

and i used to eat out a lot. ngayon sa bahay na lang, luto-luto para tipid. one big difference from two years ago saka ngayon? nowadays i actually look at the receipt and study it when i/we eat out. i look at the receipt and kick myself and piss and moan and curse under my breath the very assholes that reduced me to this state. bad trip magtipid sa pagkain, brod, but what can you do?

sino ba naman ang matutuwa? the whole family dined out a few weeks back and i was doing the computation of the bill in my head because, well you know, buffet price per head plus an estimate of the cost of bottomless drinks.. madali lang, di ba? i was absolutely mortified when the bill came: tama hula ko, the food and drinks came at 6500. plus service charge? okay, no problem, that’s cool..  E-VAT!?! 12 %?!! pootah!! not a fan of spending money needlessly, shelling out 780 to the government is just excruciating. especially if you watch the lame ads that they show in theaters, yung mga "from the office of the president".. alam mong inuuto ka lang, e. sample? sample?

PCSO’s "ang maong". huh?

e yung "magbayad tayo ng wastong buwis, para sa ikauunlad ng bayan ito.."? punyeta..

that radio ad for PAG-IBIG: "magkakasosyo tayo ditow, brow.. tulungan tayo ng gobyernow..". well, gudlak sa iyow, kapatid..

i once caught that ad about the E-VAT starting on my TV, i had to change the channel, lest i’d be compelled to throw my glass of iced tea (na dati e fresh orange juice pa, can afford pa tayo ‘nun..) at the TV screen. sayang naman.

saka, kung marami talagang natutulungan ang gobyerno, bakit dalawang taon na e si jolina magdangal pa rin ang pinapakita nila? ginamit pa nila yung mahirap na pamilya nung maysakit na bata. wala bang bagong natulungan? gumagawa na rin lang kayo ng commercial, e..

i almost had this rage in check, kita nyo naman i’ve mellowed down in ranting, kaso nagbasa na naman ako ng diyaryo. aba’y akala ko kasi, 728 million LANG yang fertilizer scam na yan. e anak ng puta e 3 billion pa pala, mantakin mo yown..sabi sa ‘yo, may mga bagay na mas masarap na di mo na lang nalalaman e. it became really painful when i learned about Marlene Esperat and her assasination. i’ve never known about her until i read this. here’s someone who tried to do something to stop this and she paid for it with her life. her children lost her.for trying to fucking do the fucking right thing.

she died for a cause and i don’t even know her. she risked her life and eventually lost it, but virtually no one is talking about her. when i was a kid i was always thinking of ways to go down a hero and be remembered. like the boy who stuck his arm in that leaking dike. or rizal, or at least those minor cast of heroes who did some minor shit or said some major things or wrote some serious shit against the oppressors. here’s a woman who did something heroic, and i didn’t even know about her. again, is it just me or a few years ago this would have raised a major furor? how about the kidnapped teacher during the elections and all other witnesses to this bullshit who are being kept quiet?

fact is, we don’t seem to care that much anymore. we just spread our butt cheeks and let them screw us over and over.

look at thailand: they went through the same shit, but they actually went ahead and filed criminal charges against their erring election officials. now they’re in jail, and rightly so. eh dito? harapan na ang dayaan, kurakutan at nakawan e para lang tayong naglalaro ng taguan at moro-moro.

the thais are probably looking at us with either disgust or dismay. tayo pa naman nagpauso ng people power, but now we’ve sunk so low we’ve taken indifference to another level. and you know that the opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference, right? love of country? what?

this dude gives his take on the state of the nation. that’s word. 16,000 soldiers and policemen deployed for the SONA? di naman ba masyadong halata yun?

is there light at the end of this? unless there’s an intervention or a more powerful force than this pinoy mafia that will join the fray, baka pa. so when i read this story, i thought, this could be really awesome, makikialam na ang US. see, involved na yung pera nila e, so i’m guessing they’re a tad pissed and want to get to the bottom of this. ikaw ba naman ang utangan, tapos gagamitin lang pala sa kampanya? sing, jocjoc, sing!

haaay, naku. i hate writing about this, but what can i do? sabi nga ni lewis black, it’s a great time for him to be a comedian, what with all that’s happening all around us. you just pick up the paper and there’s your material. for him practically the jokes just keep presenting themselves, di na niya kailangan mag-isip. if you report about stuff like this for a living, di ka mauubusan ng isusulat. but if you really love the place you’re living in right now, it must be really hard writing about it everyday. it’s the same shit with some new shit being piled on top of it every single damned day. buti na lang di ako journalist. i would hate to have to report on this. i’m happy to be perched on top of my branch in the tree, hurling insults and invective at passers-by like a mayna bird. with the occasional catcall for the la-diez, of course.

this is freaking way too much phobia to cram into a movie. i love it!

can somebody please confirm this for me? is sonny belmonte THIS good? is he all that and a bag of chips? ayun, bumaduy tuloy. seriously, when we lost raul roco i thought we’d be hard-pressed to find someone who is that good and that honest to give this country hope. paki naman, please.. i want to believe this. kasi naman si FVR yung isang nagsasabi, e, duda tuloy ako.

just found out that they’re going to include deleted scenes from superman returns in the dvd, but not an extended version the way they did the LOTR trilogy. i guess that’s good enough, i heard there are some awesome scenes there, but i would have loved it if they went on and filmed that one at ground zero. you can find that note here, along with a lot of other superman returns trivia.

so sabi nila, the superman returns storyline begins where superman 2 left off. di daw counted yung superman 3 and superman 4. you know i had many questions before, but this information just opened up a whole can of worms for me. saka ko na lang itatanong. for the meantime pag-aaralan ko muna itong Supermanica.

hey, haven’t cried for a while now but when i came across this man’s story i just lost it and sobbed.

not too comfortable about the postscript, but hey, at least the kids will be okay.

okeyokeyokey… nailabas ko rin ang aking distaste.. really hate this, but you stick with your team if you really love it. kaya di pa rin ako nawawalan ng pag-asa sa pilipinas. victory will be so much sweeter after all of this. sabi nga ni JT: "Hey, if you’re not with the team through tough times, you’re nothing but a bandwagon fan."

V for Vendetta na!

"Oh don’t talk of love" the shadows purr
Murmuring me away from you
"Don’t talk of worlds that never were
The end is all that’s ever true
There’s nothing you can ever say
Nothing you can ever do… "
Still every night I burn
Every night I scream your name
Every night I burn
Every night the dream’s the same
Every night I burn
Waiting for my only friend
Every night I burn
Waiting for the world to end..

            - "Burn", The Cure from The Crow OST

pleasant surprise: i was going home from our weekly basketball in quezon city, and as i was approaching the SLEX proper around the magallanes area, i noticed a traffic jam ahead. it’s already backed up right at the skyway entry, so i was presented with a choice: take the skyway and shell out the extra clams (ehrng?), or try my luck and hope that the jam starts on the flyover construction over at nichols.. well, i got burned before, because they were doing some pretty serious engineering shit there and the last time they rerouted the hell out of all the motorists (para nila kaming pinadaan sa ibang dimension bago kami nakalabas uli sa service road..) and i ended up getting stuck in traffic for two damn hours. so if they think i’m falling for that again.. no way, tito pepe..

so i took the skyway. sige na nga, kuripot mo talaga, i was telling myself. and then: behold! as i was approaching the toll booth, this man with a towel was waving everybody through. what the f—? there must be a catch, i thought. traffic din sa skyway? may strike ba? anong misteryo ito? nababalot ng hiwaga ang biyahe ko… e wala nang libre ngayon a? surely this whole thing’s a big jest..

arte ko no?

well, yun nga, nakalabas na ko’t lahat sa sucat, wala namang tollway patrol na humabol sa kin para singilin ako. yay. sometimes you luck out with your decision, sometimes you crap out. nakabawi na din ako dun sa two hours. plus this time i saved time AND money. bihira na yun ngayon. sweet redemption.

kelan naman kaya sila babawi?

"..We’re on the road
    We move from place to place…"

o, ha? anong kanta yun, sige nga?

ok, since we’re on the road nga, and being alone in the car for long stretches just listening to tunes and thinking…well,  i got to thinking (huh?)…dati kasi i wanted to be a teacher. kahit di professor, teacher lang. i was thinking of teaching architecture in UP (giving back, yo..), and i’d be schooling kids during their formative years in college. tingin ko mahalaga yun, e. dami ko kasing teachers nun, they didn’t have the faintest idea of what they were doing to us, leaving us to our own devices and shit. e tamad pa naman kami. thesis na nga saka ko lang nalaman kung ano ginagawa ko, e.

well that was then, i found out that i have to put in a lot of work and study all this shit and do continued professional education to be qualified to *zzzzzzzz…..*.. hell, just writing about it makes me drowsy. pero yun na nga, during those long drives i found that i still want to contribute to shaping kids’ minds. so i thought of a way to make an impact without doing too much (conscious) thinking. ha? ano daw?

then it struck me: i just need to enforce one big ideal, become committed to one "lesson plan", and that will be it. it will change this country for the better, and will ultimately cure most of what’s plaguing our society. this subject, this branch of study, this discipline of disciplines… well, let’s just say that if i was department of education secretary, i would push for this to be at the forefront of the curriculum. this field of study would be all-encompassing, we just need to be good at this and everything else will fall into place. everything, man, everything!!

arte ko talaga, no? high pa kasi sa adrenaline, kaka-basketball ko lang, e. sori.

folks, i’m talking about falling in line.

i’m serious. falling in line is the ultimate shit we can teach the kids. you just need to look around, absorb the vibe of everything that’s going around you, and you will inevitably agree with me. falling in line, dude. learning again how to fall in line may unite us to get ourselves out of this freakin’ shithole.

kaya nga tayo under martial law ngayon, e (saka kaya rin tayo nagoyo ng martial law nung araw..), we stopped being considerate about the other person. wala nang role model ang mga bata. lahat tayo gusto makauna, lahat gusto makalusot, lahat gusto makaisa.

like what this guy is saying in this article. well, i always thought that lately lang naging kupal and/or tanga ang mga filipino drivers, something about the apathy that we plunged ourselves into and how we accept and condone this kind of behavior. but according to him this shit’s been going on for ages. a long time ago i also blogged about something related to discipline. and mr. de quiros, now at the end of his wits, the veins in his temple threatening to explode and spray us all with his motherland-loving blood, touches on this in his column installment. why do we allow these things? why do we live this way? ganito na lang ba talaga tayo?

i’d really like to answer no. that’s why i’m pushing for this falling in line thing. one of the greatest things that UP gave me doesn’t have anything to do with my degree. it’s there that i learned that falling in line properly can work magic for the good of everybody. if you want to see an example of THE PEOPLE governing themselves, this would be it. walang sikat, walang artista, walang propesor, walang politiko, walang maganda.. pag may pila, may pila. fair lahat. nobody ever falls into feeling that his shit is more important. if you get stuck in a line, you have to wait it out. kahit palpak ng registrar o ng barker ng jeep, you follow the damn line. ewan ko lang ngayon, ha? but back in the day, people meekly follow the sacred line, and with it, the other rules. walang sisingit, walang lulusot, walang gagawa ng sariling linya. pag may makulit, sinisita agad. there. people governing themselves, watching out for the next guy. walang lamangan, pare-pareho tayo lahat.

imagine that.

people standing up to the road usurper, not accepting the fucker’s attempt to get ahead and mess everybody else’s trip. citizens telling a person who’s attempting to make palusot: "..sir, mawalang-galang na po, pero dun po ang umpisa ng pila, t*angi#a naman, e…". folks refusing bribes or "lagay" because even an ordinary citizen can squeal and call the attention of others.. politicians actually working hard because the constituents do care… filipinos guarding the vote, parang people power nung araw… public officials blowing the whistle on cheats and thieves because the people are watching… haaay…

why do you think it’s become easy to kill activists/journalists/militant group leaders off in this government? 1) not a lot of people care, and 2) konti lang sila. ping! ping! and their number gets smaller everyday.

ok, i digress, but i think by now i’m getting warm with you… if we teach the kids the discipline to fall in line and wait their turn, and enforce this shit until they’re in college… baka magkapag-asa tayo na wag magbigay ng lisensya sa mga tanga ang mga taga-LTO. in the long run people might actually be required to pass a driving test before getting on the road. cars zipping in and out of lanes may become history. our academies may start producing  honest policemen and self-sacrificing soldiers. our elementary school english teachers may actually become qualified to teach the subject. who knows, this may really start a ripple of good things, parang pay it forward.

you may say i’m a dreamer. sasabihin nyo, kasi maliliit sweldo ng teachers, pulis, sundalo, public officials at kung sinu-sino pa kaya sila nagagamit ng sistema at ng gobyerno, kaya sila nagtitinda ng longganisa at rtw at nakukumbinsi na mang-harass o mang-kidnap o magnakaw ng balota.. well, they do shit because they feel like shit and they’re treated like shit. pag nakapila ka, at nasusunod ang pila, di ba kahit natatagalan ka, there is a sense of self-worth within you for being part of a system? ganun din sila, ganun din tayo lahat. kahit gaano kaliit ang sweldo mo, at gaano kasimple ang trabaho mo, if you’re in line with a movie star or a basketball superstar at an atm (gaya nun, nakapila kami nina bembol roco at jayjay helterbrand sa atm..), you feel that everybody is in equal footing within the system. you take pride in who you are, what you belong to, inevitably in what you do and what you contribute. when you see a celebrity or a public official getting ahead of you, it becomes a reminder of how different your world is to theirs. pag di nila iginagalang yung pagiging teacher mo, yung pagiging pulis mo, yung paglilingkod mo sa tao at sa (tang)inang-bayan, at mas mahalaga sa ibang tao sina jinggoy at richard gomez, there goes your self-worth and there goes the country.

nowadays, everything is measured in money and what shit you can get away with. that’s word. that’s what’s wrong with everything: those who have money try to step all over everybody, those who don’t have it try to step on everybody to get some, and those who have a lot crap on everybody else to get more. the good ones among us are just trying to get by and ensure our kids’ future, so much so that we become too busy to care about the next person. and since everybody’s busy trying to get some, the government is playing us with ease.

haay.. alas tres na. tama na nga itong panaginip at makatulog na..

..Education Secretary Epoy del Rosario Dayunyor… nope. di bagay. baka barilin pa ko sa Bagumbayan.

"I love you more than I should
So much more than is good for me
More than is good

Oh the timing is cruel
Oh I need and don’t want to need
More than I should

I am falling, say my name
And I’ll lie in the sound
What is love, but whatever
My heart needs around

Oh my sheet is so thin
So I say I can’t sleep because
It’s so very cold

Oh but I know what I need
And if you were just near to me
Would you go…

I am falling, say my name
And I’ll lie in the sound
What is love, but whatever
My heart needs around

I am falling, say my name
And I’ll lie in the sound
What is love, but whatever
My heart needs around

And it needs you too much now.."

           - "Lie In The Sound", Trespassers William from Different Stars

dahil patulog na tayo, one more song…

"I keep a close watch on this heart of mine,
I keep my eyes wide open all the time,
I keep the ends out for the ties that bind,
Because you’re mine, I walk the line.

I find it very, very easy to be true,
I find myself alone when each day is through,
Yes, I’ll admit that I’m a fool for you,
Because you’re mine, I walk the line.

You’ve got a way to keep me on your side,
You give me cause for love that I can’t hide,
For you I know I’d even try to turn the tide,
Because you’re mine I walk the line.

As sure as night is dark and day is light,
I keep you on my mind both day and night,
And happiness proves that I’m right,
Because you’re mine I walk the line.

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine,
I keep my eyes wide open all the time,
I keep the ends out for the ties that bind,
Because you’re mine, I walk the line..

           - "I Walk The Line", Johnny Cash from The Legend Of Johnny Cash /Chris Daughtry giving respect on American Idol 5

How about that?

just when i was about to get really warmed up about this getting-back-to-actually-doing-work thing, a tropical storm went out of her way to prevent me from working a record third straight day. damn Florita. damn Florita to hell.

it’s really unfortunate that these calamities strike the country very often this time of year. i always used to admonish my little brothers when they were, uhm.. little.. to stop celebrating the suspension of classes whenever  we’re being hit by a tropical storm because they should know that in other parts of the country people are trying to fight for their lives and homes just to weather the storm. so kids, just do your homework, ok? you don’t need to pray for a storm just to get off from doing school work..don’t be stupid like that, hear? stop skirting off from schoolwork and avoid making bulakbol, finish your schooling properly so you can grow up, get a job, be miserable and spend all your money on shoes.

i was visiting the inquirer website for the news when i got the most annoying pop-up ever… hwow, i missed that old bastard.

so. i heard a lot of people got sent home early. and they’re thinking of suspending classes again tomorrow. haaay. baha at traffic na naman. hope people in the provinces who are hit hard are ready for some more of Florita. damn her. damn her to hell.

ohhh-kay. i think by now everyone else is over this whole world cup thing, so let’s move on.. no? not yet? the french contingent is complaining that materazzi flopped the hell out of that headbutt, but i’ve seen the video, and i think zidane connected spectacularly..hehe..look at materazzi lying on the grass like a b*tch..well, at least for his troubles he helped his country win..it said somewhere that he gave zidane’s nipple a tweaking.. hindi naman yata.. pero ano nga kaya yung sinabi niya kaya naasar ng ganun? di naman siguro "kalbo!" ano?

anyways, zidane should have known better than to throw his country’s chances away on an impulsive action like that. his experience should have thought him that winning is still the best payback for whatever. i know, i know, it’s hard to keep your composure in the heat of the moment, but still.. ang pikon, talo.. ayun na nga. talo talaga tuloy sila. tsk..

look at dwyane wade, di yan nakikinig kahit na sinisigawan ng "baluga, baluga" nung nba finals… no, seriously… yan ding si junthy valenzuela (eto totoo ‘to..), amidst the incessant chanting of "Diego, Diego.." of SMB fans, he sticks a jumper with 0.2 seconds left to lift red bull to the PBA all filipino finals. doesn’t matter that i hate him as a person (i have a story..), but still, i have to respect the game.

wanna hear my junthy story? no? ok.

nothing much, really, it’s that one time at megamall i ran into him and jimwell torion (isa pang pogi..).i was wearing one of my more "hata-appealing" pairs of shoes. it was when i was beginning to become a fan of his kasi di pa nakakasuka ang red bull noon. jimwell looked at me once and moved on, but junthy gave me a once-over from feet (must be the shoes, homey..)-to-head with this challenging sneer like he’s saying "eh, magaling ka ba?".. well, that’s the end of that, di ko na siya like mula noon. in fact, hate na hate ko siya, with every fiber of my being.. can’t say the same about the game, though..

about people mistaking me for a professional ballplayer (not a professional balls-player, you dolt..), i kinda get that a lot. i guess i have that look that people readily associate with basketball: matangkad, maitim, payat, saka kalbo pa. hawig ko rin daw si nic belasco. hindi naman, i used to say, until i met him face to face going up an escalator in shangri-la and he was on the escalator going down..the look of surprise on his face when he saw me.. muntik na yata sumigaw ng "’tol!".. siya, siya.. di kami magkamukha talaga, mukha lang kaming magkapatid.

then there was this one time when we went on a road trip and spent the night in a beach resort in la union.. i had the urge for the munchies (saka ubos na ang pulutan) so i headed out to the barrio to look for a sari-sari store. dressed in a basketball jersey and shorts, without a hat on, i knew the kids were talking about me when i came up to the store even though i couldn’t understand their dialect. i heard words like "PBA", "import" and "baskitbol" here and there, aside from their unblinking stares that were fixed on me the whole 5 minutes i was there. akala ko nga sasaksakin ako, e..

the most flattering comment i got was when my brother accompanied me to a scrimmage very recently, and we stopped at petron to get gas (huh?) and he was fiending for a frappucino. we swung by starbucks, i didn’t order anything because i was still warm from the game, still wearing my shoes and shorts with a white shirt, and i noticed the small girl behind the counter staring intently. she then blurted out to my brother while he was paying: "sir, galing po kayo sa opening ng UAAP?", and right then and there, she made my whole week. aba, eh, sa dilim pala eh napagkakamalan pa rin akong nasa college. hehe..

and since nasa basketball pa rin tayo, cleveland fans (myself included) can heave a sigh of relief: lebron is staying! not for the original offer of five years, though, but good enough. i say a wise decision on his part also, to not get too deep in a contract because the NBA collective bargaining agreement is still shaky. and cleveland may return to being a stinker anytime, baka gawin lang siyang business tapos di sila mag-commit para gumawa ng moves to chase a championship, e, mahirap na. parang clippers noong araw. wise beyond his years, this boy, i always say.

one thing i wanted to touch on in my last post was about these pictures that a very good friend sent to me, showing saudi prince Waleed’s diamond studded Mercedes.
sabi nga ni utol, "ngayon mo lang ba nakita yan?".. well, sana nga di ko na lang nakita ‘to, e. this and the golden toilet that the sultan of brunei craps on in his golden plane. fuck. like i wrote about yesterday, growing a conscience is very painful, but these people… they crap on golden toilets and eat endangered species and continue to flaunt how obscenely rich they are…somebody ought to outlaw this bullshit. when you get to a certain degree of having too much wealth, you should be prevented from spending money like this, no? andaming nagugutom, e, parang nang-aasar ka na lang niyan, brod. and the price of oil keep going up? bakit? then this is how they’re spending the money that people go to war for? saka di ba nila napanood yung schindler’s list?

one thing that is both a source of pride and a bit of embarassment is my shoe collection. yes, i have 60 pairs of basketball shoes (still growing), and i try my darndest best to wear them all, but i collect them because i’m passionate about them. but i don’t flaunt them or conciously brag about them, kasi medyo nakakahiya nga. still, when it comes down to it, it’s my money, i don’t steal money to buy more shoes, i’m not out hurting anybody so that i can buy more shoes, i don’t spend much on any other vice like booze or recreational drugs, i don’t have any other expensive hobbies plus i don’t really like travelling, so i get to spend my extra money on shoes…woooow, defensive..

and i found that i feel better when i buy new shoes instead of spending my bills on beer houses and strip joints. word. talaga nga. pakibaba naman ang kilay, no?

but when you see people who have an opportunity to use this amount of money to make a positive impact but choose to spend it on really foolish things.. well, i don’t really know what’s up with them, for all i know baka may ginagawang kabutihan ‘tong mga ‘to na di publicized, but still.. diamond studded shit? that’s too much, b. kung magiging bilyonaryo ako (ng dollars, ha?) i’ll follow bruce wayne and tony stark’s cue. i’ll use that money to finance a superhero campaign to go up against the world’s illest shit and shitheads. imagine that..   

rather interesting: apparently generoso senga waited nearly two hours before screwing his comrades over and choosing to stay with the government. aaaand according to reports (and accusations), he confirmed thru text (o ha?) that he will be joining danilo lim and the others in their withdrawal of support. hanep no? galing ng texting, pati ‘tong mga mokong na ‘to nakiuso na. paano kaya yung texttext nila? maybe lim texted "sama u sa rbelion?" to which senga replied "k".

and i see this voice text thing hasn’t caught on yet, di pa ko nakakatanggap, eh. my friend dyordz, evil genius that he is, is still waiting for someone who would send him a voice text like "sabi ni engineer pakidaanan na lang daw sa sekretarya niya yung plano tapos meet na lang kayo bukas sa opis niya.." to which he would reply thru voice text din: "k..".

Girl: doc, papacheck-up po..
Doc: sige hubad ka ng panty at bra tapos higa ka.
Girl: ..hindi po ako, itong lola ko po.
Doc: ..sige lola, hinga na lang po ng malalim..

two straight posts because the cable is out. Damn Florita. Damn Florita to h…

one last thing: who the fuck is that moron singing "Iris" on local radio? they ought to jail that boy..

 

"Old, bad eyes
Old, bad eyes
Old, bad eyes
Almighty fear

The shepherd won’t leave me alone
He’s in my face and I
The shepherd of my days
And I want you here by my heart and my head
I can’t start till I’m dead."

("Here I am locking horns with a stallion
  Failing to hold my head up, I’ll go back again
  Pillar of Davidson feeling too hard to go down
  Cheaper than all the souls he will walk upon
  Deeper and deeper in love so I hold my head up
  Cheaper than all the souls he will walk upon
  Pillar of Davidson feeling too hard to go down..")

          -"Pillar Of Davidson", Live from Throwing Copper

"Oh please, let it rain today

This city is so filthy, like my mind in ways

Oh, was a time, like a clean, new taste

Smiling eyes before me, inches from my face

Wash my love
Wash my love
Wash my love.."

               - "Wash", Pearl Jam from Ten

I finally got to finish all the episodes of Seinfeld that i stole from the net (well, they WERE giving it away, so..) and the finale just struck me hard because of what i have been reading lately in the news. in the 2-episode finale, jerry and the gang were arrested and jailed in massachusettes for violating the Good Samaritan Act, when they didn’t lift a finger to help a fat dude who was being carjacked, choosing instead to ridicule him because, well, they were from new york. that shit was just hilarious to them. it was really cool and funny that the show about nothing ended its run with a story about them being jailed for doing nothing. heyhey.

ahhh, doing nothing. there was a time in my life when i didn’t have to think about stuff, and how i miss those days terribly. now it’s like pieces of broken glass are trying to rip into my brain every single day because i see shit, i process shit (that’s nasty..) and i feel that i have to have a say about shit. the ignorance, the bliss of childhood and the stupidity of youth don’t bail me out anymore, and i never thought growing a conscience could be so painful..

i have to give props to someone i admire very much, though i’ve only known of his work for only a year: mr. conrado de quiros. i link to his columns all the time, and i read his stuff everytime he posts something in the inquirer website. and dammit, this man is a dynamo. he never stops writing about stuff. he’s just relentless, tireless, fully committed to his cause, churning out beautiful intelligent shit at an astounding rate that really make me think of not becoming a writer. well, you know, because dude is so good you just know you won’t be able to measure up so why bother? kinda like watching lebron james: you no longer want to ball after seeing that high quality of play and it just makes you content you are witnessing the whole thing.

but i digress: this man is a gift to our troubled country, and a lot of us don’t realize it (because of obvious reasons, one of which is that we can’t find the time to listen and process shit anymore ..). and a lot of us probably won’t notice what he’s doing until someone kills him. and man, the way he’s been writing lately, i believe he’s going for just that. when i read his column it’s like i’m reading his death wish, yo.

amidst all the political killings of rebels and journalists "rocking" our nation nowadays, sir conrad is just plain out waging war. well you’ve read some of his stuff, but check out a few of his latest: his most recent piece is hilarious (except the rape stuff, i’m guessing he didn’t mean it to come out that way..), about how to get out of trouble when the government goes after you. it may appear that he’s just making kontra everything that the government throws out there ( hey, if they’re being this stupid you’d be opposing anything that comes out of their craphole, too. dropping 500 cases against imelda in exchange for $5-$10 billion… i’ll give you fuckers $10 billion to crawl up your own asses and die, you whores. except i don’t have the money. $10 dollars siguro..), but si-raul-o gonzalez keeps talking shit, so sir conrad will just keep striking back. i completely agree with him on this one about the comelec: jail the fuckers.

come on, if they "didn’t mean it", that don’t mean they shouldn’t be held accountable, right? these officials destroyed us, dude. kung ordinary citizen ka, and let’s say "in an act of faith", you end up getting a few people screwed out of their money (like my childhood buddy who got involved in the pyramid scam shit a few years ago..) and you end up having a hand in "destroying" their lives, you WILL be jailed for it, right? especially if you can’t give them their money back, di ba? now how different is that from what happened with these officials? ang siste, kung appointed ka pala ni "presidente", you can screw up 80-something million lives and all you’ll get is a slap in the hand. o ha?

my friend is still in jail, and that is for trying to help people earn a lot of money. he didn’t bail out when his foreign investors/swindlers ran away, he stayed and faced the music. eh si garci? si mikey? yang mga hayup na yan.. you see? hindi na talaga tayo pantay-pantay sa pilipinas, the set of laws that govern us ordinary folk do not apply to the other fuck-ups.

back to sir conrad: if this piece he wrote about rizal and ate glue isn’t a challenge to have the government hitmen to go after him, i don’t know what is.. hehe..

but this one is a bit heavy, because now he’s just branding everybody as criminals. damn. 

which brings us back full circle to Seinfeld and the Good Samaritan Act. most of us are doing nothing, and it’s become too dangerous for everybody. you could argue that we’re already in jail, practically, but come on. when are we going to do something about all this? now that it’s gotten this worse, we’re becoming as guilty as the fuckers we detest. this shit’s gotten too crazy now that jackie chiles would surely say: this is preposterous, ridiculous, ludicrous, outrageous..monstrous!

reading that piece got me to thinking: am i guilty on some level for just nodding my head to everything he says and not actually doing anything about it? but what can i do, really? you can’t say the same for him, though, because after all, i believe he IS trying to get himself killed. and that is definitely something, yo.

dammit, he beat me to it.. idol ko pa naman si ninoy.. yun nga lang, ngayon, medyo the filipino is not worth dying for. saklap, di ba? i guess worth it pa rin.. di lang halata..

kaya ayan.. kapapanood ko lang ng United 93 kanina.. pwede natin sila gayahin. pag na-realize na natin na mamamatay na rin lang tayo, aba’y sugurin na natin yang mga punyetang nasa gobyerno, bago nila idamay mga mahal natin sa buhay.

okeyokey.

as i was writing this i noticed that it’s raining heavily outside and our dogs (my beagle chandler and our jackal/tasmanian devil named booba) were crying. of course they were all wet and couldn’t sleep because water was flying all over the place, so i had to go out and rescue them. there i was, braving the onslaught with just an umbrella, trying to work the lock to set them free while rain and dog tongues were lashing at me, getting all wet with rain and dog saliva at 3 in the morning.. and soon as i get them free, them dogs decided that their first act of gratitude would be to crap all over my walkway. all right. now they’re knocking over trash cans and eating garbage. crap.

that’s it, i’m going to bed.

Misis: Sir, mananawagan po sana ako sa mister ko kasi dinala niya ang limang anak namin.
Radio Host: Ok, go ahead!
Misis: Honey, ibalik mo na ang mga bata, isa lang naman ang sa iyo diyan..

yun naman pala..

"You ever heard the story
Of mister faded glory
Say he who rides a pony must someday fall.."

               -"Crown Of Thorns", Mother Love Bone from Mother Love Bone