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Laughter And Laughers

June 19th, 2006 by epoyz

in trying to keep up with the utter wastefulness of time and resources that define my life as of the moment, i made a treat for all the readers of this blog. yes, i devoted a lot of my time last weekend to make it a bit more worthwhile for all three of you.

aside from the pages that i link to from time to time (those underlined phrases that open to another page when you click on it), i’m also doing the same trick to my blog soundtrack (the songs that i put at the end of every entry). yes, folks, as if reading through all the bullshit and the linked articles wasn’t enough, now when you click on the song name you can listen and/or watch the video. yehey.

unless you’re living under a rock you’ve probably been already exposed to the harrowing alyssa alano "keys me" video. not wanting to make excessive fun of anybody (unless it’s well-deserved), i decided to lay off this unfortunate production. i believe she could have been better off getting involved in a cellphone-sex-clip scandal than having something like this to immortalize herself. when i first saw the clip i couldn’t believe what was happening. how could anyone with a conscience let this go onstage and be sung live? i hope that this was an honest mistake on the producers’ part because if it wasn’t, the malice to let this thing unfold is simply unforgivable, like the cruciatus curse or something like that. damn.

oh dear. i watched it again as i was linking to it, and i felt the exact same way as i felt the first time i saw it. i never laughed out loud though i admit it, that shit was really funny. you know that feeling of dread you experience when you know a friend is going to do or say something stupid and you can’t do anything to stop it? no? how about witnessing an accident, a highway pileup or a train wreck that you can’t turn away from as you’re driving past? not really? how about having a five year old repeatedly kick you in the nuts while you’re tied with your legs spread? getting warm? that’s my pain right there. i’m kidding you not, while i was watching the whole thing unravel i kept muttering "oh my God, oh my God, oh my God…".

you want some more funny stuff? how about this, an essay from a call center applicant. makes me really put my trust on the whole four-semester-schoolyear thing. no, really.

Att03251
Att03252

 

at least she "has the ability to do her own skills". ehrng? house-and-lot-again?

well of course i would be remiss if i leave out the malate bar love triangle letter. i mentioned this before in one of my earlier entries, and a good friend answered my call when i asked for the complete transcript:

To Marjie,
I am not surprised or wander why Dennis leave you.
Why?
What reason you think about but you’re very fat body.
I’m thoughth before that Dennis only use me to his toy but sooner and later I’m realize that he really can’t not beared or stomached to be with you anymore before at first, Dennis say he could not stand you’re habit of making "pakialam" all his walks and always calling to their house what time he go home or this or that and then he say he get ashame to met you iether in school or in his family and then asking you to exercise you’re very, very, very fat body but you hate it you thoughth your the most prettiest girls he know about what do you think are "BeautifulGirl" of Jose Mari Chan even you are beautiful face (to your think) you do not have the rigth to called me whatsoever or else different name one time or the other for the real purposed to insults my personality because I’m never call you names iether in front of Dennis or in the backs of Dennis, but if you start already to calling me different name, I’m don’t have any other choice but to called you other different name to like you are PIG, FAT, OBESSED, OVERWIGHT, AND UGLY SHAPE girl. Shame to you’re body that is to a BUDING. You can’t blame Dennis for exchanging you to me because I’m am the more sexier than you when you look to us in the mirror. I’m repeat again that you are like Ike Lozada when she is a girl.

From: The Sexiest Girl of D.M.

P.S.
You say that I’m the bad breathe but who is Dennis want to kissed. Me or you? You or me? And the
final is me.

OOOOO-HA!?

 

ok, like zach dela rocha, let’s break this, break this, break this down.

the essay and the letter, that’s really funny to me. it’s very hard not to laugh at those and the people who wrote them because right there, you can sense the arrogance and haughtiness laced into their ignorance and stupidity that i can not really feel guilty in deriding them. it’s like the gay bitch who kept talking out loud inside a crowded elevator that me, my brother and a buddy were in. he insisted on doing his thing in english, although he kept tripping over his own tongue. we kept ourselves composed until he blurted out an emphatic "..all of THE sudden she got angry na lang..", that we just couldn’t keep ourselves from breaking out in laughter any longer. good thing we got to the ground floor just in the nick of time to let ourselves burst out.

now in alyssa alano’s case, that shit is funny as hell. awkward at times, unbelievable and so pure and so tragically not made up that it’s just so damn funny.

but see, the unfortunate thing about this is that although it really is hilarious, it only stays that way until some idiot goes too far and ruin it for everybody by making a comment that is just plain cruel and insensitive. like the guy who commented "boba" for everyone to read. read the comments below the video window and you’ll see what i mean. some of that shit is just uncalled for. i’ll bet all my shoes (and that ain’t a bet to sneer at, i’m telling you) that the people who made those comments are probably a ton more lacking in brains and sense than alyssa alano herself. more often than not, those who are blunt and too quick to point out the shortcomings of other people are the lowliest breed of scum themselves. and that’s word, yo. yes, alyssa alano should have known better than to strut in front of people armed with her knowledge of how "kiss me" should be sung. by the way, i probably won’t be listening to that song the same way ever again. i hope she knows just that one leigh nash song. please keep her away from "need to be next to you", pleaseplease..

production hands probably offered her cue cards to guide her through the song and she probably waved them off, saying "..ako na bahala dito, kabisado ko ‘tong keys me..". Oh Lord.

but hey, for all we know she’s probably taking all this in good stride, she may be laughing at herself like melanie marquez and keanna reeves do when they make public boo boos. i sincerely hope that this shoots her way up to stardom, man. again, i’m not trying to be holier-than-thou-ish, hear. i’m just reminding everybody to not get carried away in making comments about the whole thing, because shit stop being funny when you openly tear down people who probably don’t deserve it.

on the other hand, i’m still waiting for something to go horribly wrong for ate glue, mike defensor, raul gonzales, ignacio bunye, prospero pichay and all the other bastard scum, then i’ll be ready to let out a hearty guffaw and unrelentingly make fun of them. really, even if something "the omen"-like happens to any one of these satanspawns, i’ll dance around in delight, and i’m not even close to kidding. that shit’s not that funny, right?

okay, enough of that. i’m plunged deeper into a darker mood because this news just came in. so it’s official: me and nicole are sooo o-ver. hmph.

happy father’s day to all my friends, and to all the good dads out there. a very very special happy father’s day also to all my single mom friends, and to the rest of the single moms in the world. what you’re doing, hell, i have so much respect for you that i can’t even put it in words. all i can do is campaign for this day to be made about you also. you’re all doing the double shift so y’all should be given worlwide props twice a year.

aaand a happy father’s day to my pops. you’re still here.

"When I’m near you my heart won’t be told,
It just feels what it feels, knows what it knows.
I want to do what feels right, but you’re not mine to hold.

When I’m near you my heart won’t be told;
Of desire and sadness, a storm inside blows.
Those lips that I lost, I want to kiss so.

I’m so far from being over you.
I’m so far from being over you.
I still just want to be yours,
I’ve never loved you more.

When I’m near you my heart won’t be told.
It still hurts me, the life above me you chose.
I’ll miss you forever, but I guess you know.

I’m so far from being over you.
I’m so far from being over you.
I still just want to be yours,
I’ve never loved you more.."

          -"Never Loved You More", Trembling Blue Stars from Lips That Taste Of Tears

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