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Motherparkers

January 26th, 2006 by epoyz

one of my best friends in the whole universe and beyond, george, had a major operation recently (he told me it was arthroscopic surgery for a torn anterior cruciate ligament, but i’m suspecting he just needed to be re-circumcised or sumthin’, but anyways…) and i visited him twice to check on how he’s holding up. this all went down in the new medical city complex in ortigas, he was confined for almost a week for the pre-op and the post-op (five days for a weewee chopchop? must be quite a package you have there, buddy..) and from the looks of things it kinda looked like a successful rectumoloctomy (ahem), so i have to give him a shoutout: you hang in there, bro, we’ll be playing basketball again in no time.

just have major hate on the parking regulations of the medical city, yo. see, they have this regulation that when you use their basement parking for under 30 minutes and 59 seconds they only charge you ten bucks. for 31 up to four hours it’s gonna be forty. the first time i visited it was midnight, i parked on the first basement level and i hung around for over an hour and promptly paid my 40 Ps when i got out. now, i don’t wanna sound like a cheap bastard or an insensitive friend who can only hang out in a friend’s hospital bedside for a lousy twenty minutes, but it just so happened that the second time i visited i got stuck in traffic on my way there and this time i needed to be somewhere else in 30-40 minutes so i only had enough time for a quick Wazzup because i can’t stay long. 

i’m never one to be a stickler or anythin’ regarding money, it’s just that you know how i am whenever i feel money’s being spent needlessly, especially when it comes from my pocket. so while i was parking i was suddenly aware of the 30-minute thing and thought, hey, this works for me right now. it was early evening and i only managed to find a slot on the second basement level, but it’s cool. hey what’s this? for some reason the elevator from the 2nd basement level and below only gets me on the ground level. strange, but hey, this design is either an utter stroke of genius and i’m just stupid not to understand it  so i can’t be hatin’ at that point, or it’s just plain stupid. to get to my friend’s floor i go to a different elevator lobby. well, i got to his room, got my heads-up and bolted outta there with a good 15 minutes left. waited for the elevator to take me down to the first basement level (again, can’t understand it but i’m sure it makes sense somehow), as close as it can take me to my parking slot. went to the other set of elevators to take me down and i figured i just have enough time to salvage my 30 bucks. i got my heart rate up now.. i resisted the urge to speed up on the ramps and the turns, i was trying to be cool even though i was watching the clock. i have more than enough time as i was approaching the exit. but i didn’t expect the girl at the gate to be so slow in letting the other cars out. when i got there i had three cars in front of me, and it took a full six minutes for the girl to let these  people out, so with foreboding i was already expecting what was about to happen. the girl in the booth took my card, swiped it and asked for forty. i was all ready to relent but i just didn’t like her tone, like she has a commission on this or something. i inquired "40? lumagpas na ba ako?" to which she bluntly replied "32 minutes." shi-iiit. i hope your boss shares that money with you, the way you’re running it. like it was my fault that they’re only operating one gate instead of the two that were available, and had to wait for her slowpoke butt to process the fees of the three cars that came before me. grudgingly i handed her the money, all the while giving her the old stink-eye. girl can’t even look my way. look me in the eye while you’re robbing me, woman!!!

bottomline: i paid an extra 30 bucks for a ride in their Great Elevator Discontinuum, with a bonus turn at The Incredible Queue of Five-Minutes-of-my-Life-I’m-Never-Getting-Back. great. what a place they’ve got running there. plus the aggravation i experienced probably shaved a couple of minutes away from my life, too.

so now i want to get back all the time i wasted memorizing all the NBC codes regarding requirements for parking slots for all these different structures when i took the board exams. i was under the impression then that as an architect i must take into careful consideration how to fit all of a structure’s requirements in the design and still provide ample parking spaces for the public who go to these places. and you’re supposed to do all this without sacrificing the flow and functionality of the whole design, especially commercial  ones, because  you’re supposed to provide comfort for your customers, right? wrong. now they cram as much parking slots as is possible to generate more money. guess all these corporate goons found a loophole and figured out that the NBC neglected to mention if these slots are free or not. wow. i believe a chunk of our CBDs were built with money from all these parking fees that they’re charging everywhere we go. and it used to be around 20 to 25 for the first FOUR hours, now the norm is 30 for the first two hours. fuck. now what the medical city’s trying to pull off, that’s a new one. that’s right, they’ll only charge you ten bucks if you can get through their maze in 30 minutes or less. good luck, and watch out for that final obstacle, the Slow Bitch at the Gate.

i once indulged myself with an overpriced venti-size frappuccino at starbucks, figured i deserved a pick-me-up while driving home from a hard day’s work. i parked right in front of starbucks, and this guy came to me issuing me a parking stub and charged me 35 bucks. right in front of the fucking starbucks, g. i wasn’t even there for 15 minutes and i ended up spending 180 for coffee and parking. ya-hoo.

wasn’t there a senate inquiry not too long ago regarding the overcharging of parking fees in these places? what the fuck happened to that? naging "commissioners" na rin ba sila kaya tumigil itich?

"It’s been a bad day
Please don’t take a picture
It’s been a bad day
Please

Broadcast me a joyful noise unto the times, Lord
Count your blessings
We’re sick of being jerked around
We all fall down

It’s been a bad day
Please don’t take a picture
It’s been a bad day
Please.."

          - "Bad Day", R.E.M.

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