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new year’s retribution

December 25th, 2005 by epoyz

just like that, Christmas 2005 came and went. we still have the new year to dread or look forward to, depending on your dis/position. oh yes. the pressure that is the holiday season is all but over. believe me, i really love the holidays, i just don’t like the pressure that it puts on me physically, mentally and spiritually. i just get so lost in it all, all the weighing, decision-making, getting in touch with yourself (not touching yourself, you perverts..), trying to give back, guilt trips, pondering, reminiscing, feeling bad for yourself, feeling good about yourself, feeling bad for other people, trying to find something to make you feel good about people in general all over again, trying your best to spread holiday cheer, trying not to get yourself too deep in credit card bills, restraining yourself from getting that new video ipod for yourself, feeling guilty about stuff, how you don’t deserve all the good things you got this year but you keep it anyway, thinking about how much of an ingrate you are, wondering if you let a lot of people down this year, surviving, trying to weather the onslaught of weird crap that comes with the holidays, being hopeful that next year will be better for the country, wondering why the Christmas spirit seemed weak this year and all that.. well, i hope that it’s just me. i’d feel much better for being an idiot and being alone in feeling this way than having my suspicions confirmed that there’s another screwed-up person out there. kung meron, inuman tayo.

i’m usually happiest on the last few days leading up to Christmas eve, at the same time the creeping realization that it’s all going to be over soon brings me back down. oh, well. at least it’s going to be another year of trying to survive and looking forward to wanting to anticipate the next one. i hope next year the spirit will be much stronger, i believe we kinda wasted this year’s holiday cheer and spirit, at least here in the country. medyo mahirap nga talaga this year, sana maayos na itich. bad trip, e. just found out last night about this "No-El" shit and i thought it was a discussion about Christmas. wrong. kagaguhan na naman.

my wish for the new year : for filipinos to stop being indifferent and passive and start stepping up as a people. paunti-unti lang, start inside our home, in our place of work, the way we deal with people we meet on the street everyday, then i think it will be channelled on to bigger things. can’t help but feel that we’re powerless right now because our collective spirit is broken and are  just plain disenchanted about a lot of things. that the enemies of the country know this, that’s why they’re evildoers who can sleep soundly at night. we have to believe that we can do our share and make a difference. otherwise (cue the music…)

"Where have all the good men gone
And where are all the gods?
Where’s the street-wise hercules
To fight the rising odds?
Isn’t there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night  I toss and turn and dream of what I need…"

          - "Holding Out For A Hero", Laura Branigan

a-che-che.

seriously, we have to believe that we can turn this ship around. it would be a great story if a hero who can rally us to respectability and legitimate hope comes along, but we don’t need another ninoy aquino to die for this cause before we wake up and take the power back. everyday the number of people who don’t trust the next guy down the line is growing. that’s why we hold our head low. that’s why we feel we can’t do anything. why we bend over so they can screw us some more. seems like everyone is just trying his darndest best to survive  and get theirs and secure something for their family, so much so that we are in great danger of ruining the future of this country for our kids. well, i don’t have a kid yet, but i hate to think that me and (future)wifey would need to relocate just to ensure a better future for kiddo. ‘na mean?

maybe it’s because i feel like i’m growing old so fast, that’s why i’m whining and carrying on and on about what’s wrong around me. i just feel so despirited, magnified by this flop of a holiday season. it may be a longshot, but i want to anticipate the coming of Christmas like a kid again. it gets really hard when you see some of the things that’s really hard to swallow, things that break your heart. and i simply hate what i experienced this past year, of just waiting for the holidays to pass. 

pero grabe ang bilis. before you know it, we’re preparing for Christmas 2006 again. yow-za.

"..and the days, days, days
run away like horses over the hills.."

          - "Dirty Day", U2 from Zooropa

one more song for the fucking road:

"There’s a fruitcake for everybody
There’s a fruitcake for everyone
There are b-sides to every story
If you decide to have some fun

Take a bite
It’s alright
There’s some brandy and star margarine to make it bright
Take a bite
It’s alright
A little lovin’ and some fruit to bake
Life is a piece of cake

It’s the season for being happy
But the reason is dead and gone
If the reason for being happy
Takes a backseat when the season’s done

Just take a bite
It’s alright
Taste the taste that sent all mothers giggling in sheer delight
Take a bite
It’s alright
A little lovin and some fruit to bake
Life is a piece of cake

Everybody, everywhere people do you really care
Christmas time has once again arrived
Everybody, everywhere people do you really care
Christmas time has once again arrived

Mistletoe and a little snow
But we don’t get it there at fruitcake heights
Mistletoe and a little snow
But we don’t get it there at fruitcake heights

Stars are falling down from heaven
But it’s nowhere near our town
Miracles are falling down from heaven
But it’s nowhere near our town

There’s a fruitcake in everybody
There’s a fruitcake in everyone
There are b-sides to every story
If you decide to have some fun

Just take a bite
It’s alright
Taste the taste that sent all mothers giggling in sheer delight
Take a bite
It’s alright
A little lovin and some fruit to bake
Life is a piece of cake.

          -"FruitCake", The Eraserheads

here’s to working hard for the new year, everyone.

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