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Keep It Loose, Keep It Tight

November 13th, 2005 by epoyz

Whoop-Tee-Doo. Bin’ absent for so long, hey. Guess i just lost the inclination to subject other people to my bitchin’. for a bit, at least, but now me is back, homeys. well, shall we? we shall.

pardon me for saying this, but a lot of people out there are just assholes. those who aren’t complete assholes, well, they’re just pricks. word. i just have to let this all out, because taking a deep breath and releasing it to mimic a pressure valve releasing steam just won’t cut it for me anymore. i’m sorry but it just won’t. i’m just afraid that one bad day is it, just one lousy day that would transform me from being a struggling model citizen to a homicidal maniac. damn, all these thoughts going through my head and the force of will to quell my desire to lash out against these ‘humans’, these people who validate why we should enforce birth control.

but i admit, some factors that may contribute to my stressful view of situations might just be my fault. for example, i actually believed that i’d enjoy a stroll in the mall on a sunday. i was looking forward to enjoying a hearty meal after a sunday basketball game gone completely wrong, you know, to take my mind off things. only, to get in the mall you have to spend a good hour to find a place to park. and the genius who runs the whole damn place doesn’t care if you’re losing precious moments of your life unwittingly trapping yourself along the lines they’ve organized, even if they don’t have enough spaces to accomodate your sorry ass. once you get in line, you’re stuck. all they care about is your 40 bucks, it’s your fault you got caught.

the cherry on top: one entrance, two lines, dozens of impatient drivers. fuck, it’s two in the afternoon already, i just want to eat. so i grit my teeth, and follow the alternating pattern of cars going in, dutifully, calmly even.. but does the car on my right willing to follow this simple act of courtesy? fuck no. he wants to get ahead, even though he sees i already let the dude in front of him have the first go. so he “noses” ahead of me.

fuck that.

i keeps it real, mofo. i don’t play that, he has to know i don’t swing that way. well, good thing a security guard intervened before we actually got into a bumper-scrunching contest. dude signaled to the dickwad that he has to let me in first, while demonstrating the universal sign for “alternating”. well, you know, with the back side of both hands moving in front of the other? i would have done it differently, with both my hands flipping the bird, the middle finger airplane, one moving in front of the other. what an ass. that goes for me and him both. heheh.

it was only at the moment that i passed him that i noticed he’s driving a porsche carrera. in a nice blue color. sweet. i thought, well whaddoyou know? porsche na nga minamaneho mo, gusto mo pati sa parking uungos ka pa rin. che.

with that story out there, let me just say something about filipino drivers. assholes and pricks. most filipino drivers take it as an affront to their manhood if you pass them or move ahead of them in tight spots, toll fee lanes, merging lanes, intersections, wherever. and a lot of women drivers seem to be wanting to grow a pair of balls, too. what happened to common courtesy? in this country, if you want to change lanes smoothly, you better not be using your signal. nope. soon as you turn on that signal, the driver behind you punches the pedal. every damn time.

used to be that i give way to other drivers because i dream of starting a ripple of kindness that will extend towards most of humanity. well fuck that. now i grit my teeth and give way because i figured, hey, for all i know i may only have a few more years to live. might as well not subject myself to added aggravation. i figured i can’t prevent people from being assholes, but i can control what happens to me.

i know it’s hard, because it’s all around us. all the disgruntled people lashing out at fellow human beings, it’s a vicious cycle that just won’t stop. people just seem to care about other people less and less. hey, we have our own problems to worry about, right?

so when you’re waiting for your change at the counter with your palm spread out and the cashier still dumps the coins on the counter and you have to pick every one of them, do you really have to let that slip? in my case i did. because the alternative, the response i thought of at the time, with this blinding flash of sudden anger, was just cruel and cold. i meant to leave all the change scattered there, indicating that she probably needs it more than i do, probably saying something like “if you’re angry about your shitty job, don’t take it out on me.” i wanted so much to be vindictive, but the thought of being that cold, i decided, will shame me more than it would be rewarding. and it’s a bit sad, because though i acted differently, i actually thought of doing it. and that shit goes on everyday. makes me want to stay in my room all day and avoid all human contact. except for my fam and peeps, of course.

well if you’ve been down since my first post you probably already noticed that i think things out way too much.

sorry, it’s been so long, just had to let that one out.

i’ll be posting a follow up real quick, maybe tomorrow. i’ve been formulating a format for my blog. see, i’m much happier now that i finally wrote something down again. thanks for reading.

the post title is from Amos Lee’s song, of course, but y’all knew that. if you don’t, look it up.

another catchy song i recommend that you look up is d12’s “I’m Gonna Get My Gun”.. doesn’t help anything, i know, but it has a moral lesson, sort of.. and it is catchy. did i mention that it’s catchy?

“This motherfucker’s poppin’ that shit
Nah fuck that i’ll be right back
I’M GONNA GET MY GUN!
Nah motherfucker fuck you
You ain’t disrespecting me like that
I’M GONNA GET MY GUN!
Walk to the room, sixteen shot clip
Bitch how you like that?
I’M GONNA GET MY GUN!
Bet you ain’t know that I’m strapped
Nice one, bitch this is my gat
I’M GONNA GET MY GUN!”

kidding.

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